Marin and More Healing…

Gay's house

I’m in the countdown toward another Marin house/cat sit, for which I head off on April 23.  And I just had my appointment with Hanna and her DNA clearing friend, Larry.  So a happy week!

It’s been a couple of years since I last did the house sitting gig.  All the earlier times I sat for Moti, the kitty I helped raise when I still lived there.  Moti died  a year after my last visit so I wasn’t needed so much and didn’t push to take any of the annual gigs.

Now there are two new kitties and I’m looking forward to meeting them.  Curious how it will be since I’ve not met them before — unlike Moti, who spent his first year living more in my apartment than in the main house…

In the meantime, I had the appointment Hanna suggested last time, wherein she did Body Patterning, Reiki and general energy work while her friend Larry did an array of healing techniques.  I felt glad I’ve been around alternative healing and New Age stuff for a long time (30 years!) because the array included crystal surgery, drumming, some kind of sound vibration (I didn’t catch the whole list he rattled off and my eyes were closed during the treatment), crystals and/or stones placed on me, etc.  Seemed normal to me:-)

They both felt the last piece– the one related to the ancestor witch, bad past lives as a healer/seer/shaman, and shutting down my third eye — clear completely.  And reminded me that I will have a choice occasionally about whether to stay cleared or go back to the familiar shut down.

There hasn’t been a magical opening in which every remaining muscle knot sprang open.  But the muscles are unwinding like crazy and I no longer feel them pulling against a steely core that won’t let go.  A big place of holding was in the solar plexus — an area that has received a lot of work and attention in the past as well — and that cleared too.  Again, I feel like a core of strong holding is no longer there, but the muscles in that area are in process.

Hanna said it would probably take about a week for the process to finish, which fits with past experience.  I love the timing because it means I’ll be at the end of this process and the new beginning when I head off to Marin.  I can’t think of a better place to hang out letting this settle, while I rest, drink in the beauty, meditate and converse deeply with long time friends.

Bay area Word Press friends:  I won’t have a car but if anyone would like to have a cuppa and hang out, I’d love to meet my blogging pals in person, so if you have transportation to me in Corte Madera and would like to visit, let me know.  yogaleigh at earthlink dot net

A new perspective on purpose

Kentucky River by Hall's 0

In the flow… Kentucky River by Leigh

Some days ago, Nadine Marie put up a post on Aligning with Truth about purpose in which she explored new ways of thinking about it.  I’ve been thinking about purpose and how it relates to me, and whether I know what mine is, etc. for a while so this was timely and I’ve been pondering ever since.  As I pondered, some things came together for me.

The process of healing in recent years has kept me living pretty far outside the norm and a life that doesn’t look much like most people of my age expect.  So much change has been moving through I’ve let go of many thoughts I had about what my purpose may be or even what I most wanted to do.

In the U.S. (other places, your two cents about your country are welcome and encouraged) there’s a lot of pressure to have a purpose and a plan and there always seems to be an underlying assumptions that purpose must involve either some great act of charity or — more often — something to do with earning a living or having a career.

Since those things aren’t happening for me, I’ve struggled occasionally with feeling inadequate.  The pressure to have a life that suits the norm surrounds me and you might be amazed how frequently other people have made it clear that they consider me lazy or useless because they disapprove of anyone living a life that doesn’t meet their standards.

My health struggles have been going on long enough that I learned long ago to shrug off those opinions though I won’t say I don’t still have moments when their contempt or disapproval hurts my feelings.  For most of the early years of illness I struggled to keep up with the norm and juggled part-time jobs with many failed business attempts.

Finally, however, I realized that my energy vibration was so faint and weak  I could never succeed at jobs or businesses without getting healthy (need to match the vibration) … and also that I didn’t really have the stamina for even the part-time jobs or the attempts at self-employment/business.  Something like five years ago I realized my health had to become the priority.

I’d been going to alternative practitioners, practicing yoga and other healing modalities, doing emotional work, taking supplements, etc. for many years, always with small, steady amounts of progress but I finally got it that this had to be the focus.  Other than teaching some yoga (which for me is very healing) and writing a couple of books (which I can do on whatever schedule I’m up to), I’ve done nothing but work at healing, exploring my inner landscape for answers, etc.

Until recently I’ve tended to think of it as a time spent living outside the world and figured I’d get around to a new purpose and its implementation after becoming healthy again.  Recently, though, as I’ve worked with Hanna on finishing out some of the ancestral issues that have anchored my muscle issues, I’m looking at it all differently.  I’m particularly affected by realizing how much all of this ancestral healing is healing everyone in my extended family tree on some level.

Sparked by Nadine’s post, I’ve now moved to a new view of purpose.  These years of healing WERE/ARE MY PURPOSE!  Not necessarily the only one — as she notes, I think there can be more than one purpose in a lifetime — but a huge part of why I’m here on earth.  Healing myself.  Healing my ancestors.  Learning to be a voice of healing.

As I move toward the end of the healing journey, I’m still in limbo about what’s next and what I think my next purpose may be.  As I just posted on the Scribblings blog (including the above photo), I’m seeing myself as part of a flow and trying to stay out of the way and allow the current to take me to the next destination my higher self has determined.

Off the normal path, in solitude and quiet, I’ve been living a purpose that doesn’t look anything like expectations about purpose held by the mainstream in my country.  But I believe it’s a purpose that’s at least equally important to all that stuff  “out there”  considered to be the meaning of purpose.  I’m even at the point of questioning the usual idea of purpose and whether a lot of these plans made by minds instead of hearts or intuitions are really the raison d’etre for many of those who believe they’re living their purpose…

I’m even pondering many side trips people I’ve known have been led to make and wondering if purpose may often be more about what we learn and how we change from the challenges that blow up our plans than about the outer world and the careers and the normal stuff of “purpose”???  Are attributes like kindness and compassion and healing and nurturing possibly more central to “purpose” than most people think? I’m very interested to hear the thoughts of others…

Addicted to Your Story….

Very insightful thoughts about how easy it is to become invested in the story of illness. Make sure you click through to read the whole post!

Enjoyable Living

It is said that true spiritual growth is not so much about gaining anything, as it is about letting stuff go.  Unlearning, as it were, almost everything we have learned in our respective upbringings, to get ourselves back to the place of innocence and purity that we are, as God made us.

However, if you are like most people, then you have invested rather a lot in your own personal story.

With my recent experience of healing myself from gluten intolerance, I had to be willing to give up my addiction to the story of myself as having a certain medical condition. This took some effort.  After all, I had put a great deal of time and energy into the story in the first place.  Apart from the multiple decades of undiagnosed physical symptoms, which had more than earned me the right to a whole bunch of sympathy, and “street…

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Muscles: 4 Steps Forward, 2 Steps Back… Forever?

Helen yoga

Helen yoga (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Trying to post the last couple of weeks has been an interesting process.  In this time of transition I have SO many ideas swirling through my head, so many realizations arising; much of it is interconnected.  Right now I’m struggling to sort my way through it all and my mind doesn’t seem to have its usual organizational abilities to sort through it all and create posts.  Not to mention that much of it is still in process…

I will get back to J2P Monday again, but right now the one arena where I seem to have some coherent thoughts is about muscles.

Last time, I talked about how muscles intertwine, squeeze off energy and can take a long time unwinding.  This time the exploration moves to the up and down process of healing muscles.

You see, no matter how much body work you get or how many muscle-healing exercises you’re doing, life is still going on.  You sit with your head twisted to the side watching television and that’s twisting the muscles in your neck.  You hit your head on a cupboard door and tighten a bunch of muscles in your jaw, neck and shoulders.  Your boss goes on a rampage and you tighten your whole body.  If you have really tight muscles, the tight ones are pulling the healed pieces back into tightness.

For a long time I found that at every massage appointment the first half — at least — was spent getting out the kinks that settled back in between appointments.  Increasingly I tried to make sure to do yoga and/or soak in a hot bath before an appointment so I could work some of the kinks out on my own.

When I created my movement work, it was just for me and I practiced numerous times in between appointments, often achieving more releases.  Sometimes my practitioners said I came back in even better shape than I’d been in at the end of the last appointment.

At this point I generally make appointments at a time when I can spend at least an hour-and-a-half beforehand on doing the release movements and yoga and then soaking at least 20 minutes in a hot bath.  Very little time is wasted in my appointments on retrieving lost ground and the fact that I’m looser and in balance makes it easier to achieve some deep releases.

Even with these efforts, there were times when I fell or slept in an awkward position and lost some ground.  With TMJ, even though the muscles in my face and jaw were unwinding, I clenched in the night and tightened it back up.  Sometimes I had stellar spells when the movement seemed only forward.  But most of the time the process of healing my muscles moved more like four steps forward, two steps back.  Always getting better, but an up and down process…

The healing moved much more quickly when I developed the exercise sets that so deeply trigger releases in the muscles but still it has been kind of four steps forward, one step back.  Always up and down.

When I say I’m almost done, I’m referring to the patterns of muscles currently in my head.  There are still a few other places that haven’t let go.  And I’m always aware, body work and doing my exercises is a life-time commitment because as long as I’m alive my muscles will ever be subject to sitting “funny”, bumping into things, tension, etc.

There is no such thing as DONE with muscles.  If you want muscles that are relaxed, strong and healthy, it’s a lifetime commitment to taking care of them.  Even when you’ve solved any specific issues you may have, you still have to work at keeping them healthy.

J2P Monday: About Unwinding Muscles

I decided to take a little break from using ho’oponopono for healing and instead to bring up an issue from my healing journey that I think also relates to peace.

Few people in the western world make it very far past early childhood these days without developing tight, tense muscles.  Often emotions and issues not dealt with are stuffed into those tight holding patterns  The longer such patterns go without being healed, the more  the patterns spread over the whole body and the more deeply rooted the unacknowledged issues become.

When muscles are tight the knots and twists squeeze the nerves, blood vessels and nadis.  Then blood, oxygen and prana are unable to flow freely, which impacts physical, emotional and spiritual health.  Only when the flow is free can your body experience fully vibrant health and connection to high levels of consciousness.

Hatha yoga developed out of the knowledge that energy must flow freely throughout the body in order to find connection to higher consciousness and to be the Divinely loving being each of us came here to be.  Modern yoga practice in the west often seems to forget that the point of the asanas was not so much physical fitness as energy fitness — opening the nadis (energy pathways through which prana flows) and balancing the chakras.

When muscles have become really tight or have intertwined with others into tight patterns, restoring health is, in part, a process of unwinding.  The muscles can open mainly (but not exclusively) from:

  • certain types of exercise, like yoga or the triggers of release work I do
  • certain types of body work
  • emotional release.

Sometimes a couple of these things happen together.

Often there’s a release in a muscle at the time someone is working on you or when you let go of some emotion but it’s just the first opening.  The initial release creates some space and the muscles release more over the next few days.

I first experienced the phenomenon when the bone in my left lower leg straightened 25 or so years ago.  The bone was twisted from birth, which meant a lot of muscles were pulled out of place.  By the time of the healing, I’d had decades for those muscles to pull on other muscles which then pulled on others; there were issues all over my body that all came from the original twisted leg.

When the bone moved back into place, all the connected muscles suddenly had some freedom and were also being pulled in a new direction.  It unleashed an unwinding process that would begin at my left foot and move, section by section up into my neck and then start back down.  For months afterward I experienced these releases, the muscles yanking and jerking and causing involuntary movements all the way up and down.

So I was reasonably prepared when, after many other varieties of body work, I came to CranioSacral work.  It’s quite typical in this therapy for a release to occur in the appointment — one you may not even feel on the table — and then to have many big releases starting the next day and possibly for several days thereafter.

In fact, it was CranioSacral work that opened enough stuff in my head about 13 years ago to start the unwinding process that continued on its own until now (when the last throes are finally working their way out).  Once I was years in, friends occasionally would ask if I knew of this happening to other people.  It was unusual enough that some practitioners didn’t believe me when I tried to tell them about the unwinding muscles in my head.

Though I’ve known a few people who’ve experienced a lot of unwinding in their muscles, I’ve only found one other who’s experienced the years-long process I’ve been going through.  So, after a recent question about whether this is common, I started hunting on line.  I discovered there’s now a type of bodywork centered around unwinding, which seems to be based in part on working to further the kind of opening created by CranioSacral and Body Patterning.

Even in the modalities in which it’s normal to set off unwinding of knots in muscles the conversations are usually about days and sometimes weeks or as much as a few months.  I’ve not found anything that discusses a decade plus of unwinding, so I think it’s unusual enough I doubt you have to worry about setting something off that goes on as long as my process.

Unwinding can be uncomfortable or even painful.  But when muscles unwind, the process frees the nadis, circulatory system and nerves in  your body and allows energy and oxygen to flow freely.  Huge amounts of energy become tied up in holding those patterns, leaving you tired and listless and the opening restores your stamina.

If you want to be peace, to live from the place of peace, you need to have a healthy body in which vital force energy (prana or chi) can move freely.  Practitioners often don’t discuss — or in many cases seem to know about — unwinding and how it can go on for some time or that it may hurt or be annoying.

When you start healing and/or releasing issues or your body, you should be aware there’s a chance you will unleash some sort of unwinding.  Personally, I enjoy it for the most part (when I’m not whining about it:-) ) because I know it’s leading to the healthy body and healthy flow of energy I desire.  I recommend embracing the discomfort and feeling gratitude for the healing it represents.  It’s part of the path to PEACE.

Walking the path alone…

Muscle masséter. Vue latérale

Muscle masséter. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As I’ve previously mentioned, one of the things I appreciate about appointments with Hanna is her intuitive ability.  She receives information and images while she’s working, and because she knows I love that feedback, she tells me what she’s receiving.

Last Friday she picked up some information about how long and hard I’d worked to get to this place and that I wouldn’t have been able to do it had I had children.  I’ve known that for a long time but felt it on a deeper level when she said it.  And then instantly had the thought that it wouldn’t have happened had I been married either.

“I had to be alone to do this,” I said, and knew it was true on a profound level.

I’m not saying this would be true for everyone.  I’m sure there are plenty of wives and mothers who’ve made huge strides along a spiritual path and I’ve known some.  But I know my nature well enough to know that if a husband and/or children had been in the picture I would not have dug as deep, been as single-minded nor accomplished anything like as much.  More likely I would not have moved at all.

I’ve been running this moment of truth through my head periodically ever since, trying to take in the import.  Hanna mentioned thousands of family members now and in the future are, on some level, thanking me for what I’ve freed for my whole line.  On one hand I’m so happy to think the work I’ve done has helped others.  On the other I see-sawed a bit over how I feel about not having the husband and children I’d have loved to have.

At the age and stage when I’d have been having babies, I know I’d have turned out some more beings who were twisted up by both me and the ancestral baggage, so for a long time I’ve been kind of glad I never messed up some more kids.  And yet I’m occasionally a little sad nonetheless about not having any.

Although it’s been a lonely path in some ways, I’m pretty good at being alone; a friend once commented she didn’t think she knew anyone who could be as comfortable alone.  At this stage, I see this path of healing the ancestral lineages as a big part of the reason I’m here and I accept that being alone to do it was just part of the deal.

Right now I’m in the process of setting up the joint healing session to clear the last piece in my head.  I have no illusions about being issue-free at that point but the stuff going on in my head has been tough to take.  I’ve also been aware of it as the remaining piece that has most hung up my life from moving forward so for me this is an ending point.

At least the end of this particular piece of my long healing journey and pretty much–mostly– the end of the physical healing related to muscles.  Unlike spiritual growth, which I see as infinite, I do see muscles as finite and thus healing them as a process with an ending.  Not that muscles aren’t always impacted by daily life and constantly changing, but the tools I now regularly use to keep them healthy and aligned should help me maintain and/or restore balance as needed.

It didn’t take much time pondering to move from looking back to turning to the future, wondering what the new life unfolding will look like, optimistic it will be good and content to let it reveal itself in its own time…  And in the meantime there is the NOW when I am (1) happily feeling proud of what I’ve accomplished and the courage and tenacity it has taken to do it and (2) feeling the current measure of relief in what has opened and enjoying the increasing freedom in my head.

Healing Update — Wow!

The structure of deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), ...

DNA: tmonomers being put together. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Okay, it’s supposed to be J2P Monday.  But I had another amazing appointment with Hanna on Friday and, even though I managed to sidetrack and finish writing yesterday’s post, I’m too excited to think up a J2P topic instead of writing about this.

Short version of last visit with Hanna:  she felt someone from Roman times trying to help me remember a past life experience in Rome that was still holding on in my head.  She recommended using Rose and Frankincense oils and a selenite pendant while meditating on this.

I got the recommended items and, while wearing all three, meditated.  Found myself a male healer/seer in Roman days, betrayed by a friend (the guide who’s now helping) and killed yet again by a head injury.😦

There’s been quite a lot of unwinding since then and when it slowed down I booked another appointment with Hanna.  She picked up on yet another lifetime involving torture and my eyes and was able to clear it.  By the end she said it felt like almost everything left was just residual except one piece that’s embedded in my DNA.

She also picked up on the ancestor witch about whom I’ve written many times (for instance, here)and then that, given my many past life issues with being a seer who was tortured, killed or betrayed because of it, this ancestral lineage was the perfect one for me to enter because it tracked with the past life issues about being a seer.  And put the issue deep in my DNA.

She’s recently started doing joint sessions with a fellow healer who, among things, uses a technique for clearing DNA.  She thought one session should be able to clear that one last piece.  Otherwise it’s just however long it takes for these residual knots to finish unwinding!  In other words, not just wishing and hoping it’s almost done.  IT’S ALMOST DONE! :-)

In the meantime, in the aftermath of the appointment, insane unwinding going on here…