Several days ago I tried a new Steve Nobel meditation which both led to a couple of deep insights and left me feeling the meditation was incomplete. When I saw the meditation I felt right away this would be a good place to try addressing yet again an issue that has dogged me for all the years I’ve been on this journey: The Grace Transmission: Surrendering a Seemingly Irresolvable Issue to Spirit.
Prior to starting the spiritual journey I was pretty good at getting jobs with adequate pay — as long as I hated them. Once I gave up on ideas like “work is hard and always a struggle” and “you can only make a living at jobs that are unpleasant:, etc. I started teetering between starting ventures doing things I loved that at best made no money and often wound up costing me and taking low-paying part-time jobs to get me through. My financial status began a downward spiral that has never stopped.
Having addressed many many issues and seen things move, this one has been frustrating as I have thrown more at it than any other, from affirmations to visions to emotional clearing, to examining ancestral patterns, etc. and nothing has ended the spiral. Every time I think I’ve broken through and things will change, they do. For the worse.
Nobel has several meditations addressing abundance, etc. and I’ve done those too and definitely felt I moved some energy but something has still seemed stuck. So I entered this new meditation with the intent to turn over this issue and see how his mind-blowing transformational talents impacted this.
The basic construct, after his usual opening of clearing and bringing in archangels, etc., is to look through three windows, the first of the unconscious, the second of the conscious and the third, the Higher Self view. Not bad as a construct though I have a few critiques.
I guess he was trying to avoid making suggestions that influenced what we “saw” but from the first window on, I felt I could have used a little more guidance about what we were aiming for as we looked through the window. Nonetheless, as soon as I looked through the first one I saw myself alone in a hot and desolate desert.
Moments later I realized I was revisiting a past life experience I’ve encountered before. Usually it’s come up (or been”seen” by a psychic) in the context of me having had multiple lifetimes as a healer/seer and, more often, as one of many healer lifetimes in which I was tortured and/or put to death for my abilities — thus the shutdown this time around.
My late teacher Ellen Margron taught us about “daisy chains” of beliefs and how beliefs intertwine with one another and are deduced from one another, etc. I’ve often found since that memories, whether childhood or past life, often have their own daisy chain of beliefs that arose from one powerful incident. I forget that sometimes so this was a good reminder.
In this instance instead of feeling the terror of being punished for what I knew or saw, I experienced the end portion of being tied down and left in the middle of a desert to die a horrible death alone. I felt utterly abandoned by every human, by the Universe and by God.
In other inner journeying, I’d realized long ago that as a very young child my reaction to some tough stuff going on was to feel abandoned by God. Many times I’ve realized I live in an odd space in which I consciously believe in spirit and interconnection, etc. while on some deep level having no faith that a higher power cares anything about me.
I’ve worked on it quite a bit but looking through this window I could feel a tight hold from this past life experience and the resulting loss of faith has been at the core most of my life. The surprising thing to me in the meditation was there was no guidance into something to shift or re-create the view through the window. He also left a REALLY long time for seeing this picture and I’d completed it early on, then felt like I was miserably held in this unpleasant space.
So I came to window two still feeling yucky from window one. Window two was seeing into the conscious mind about the issue. It was another scene of isolation, but this time based on fears of winding up homeless and living in my car. I could feel the direct connection between the past life scene in window one and the feelings still being held in consciousness.
Again, there was no turn around moment and the hold in this unpleasant place was exceedingly long. Then on to window three, the view of the Higher Self. This time I could instantly see myself as an interconnected part of the web of all life and sense the flow of energy always available. I was also still experiencing the unpleasant feelings from the first two windows, so it didn’t feel as comfortable and freeing as it might have. I could also see the flow being blocked; I knew it was me blocking it and I could understand that me letting go of those feelings of being abandoned and lost would open the flow.
I gather the idea was the “higher” view would automatically heal the other two views, but since I’ve understood and addressed this issue before and clearly still have it, I felt like I could really have used a final piece in which all the guides and angels brought in assisted in shifting the first two views to align with the third. I understand this stuff well enough to get that he figured the final view would do that on its own. Maybe it did…
I do feel the series of views has had an impact and now that I’m hyper-conscious about it I’ve been regularly envisioning myself in that interconnected space and affirming my connection to the web. I open to receive as much energy, love, abundance, etc. as the universe can offer. I can feel energy moving.
So mixed reviews. On the one hand, clearly there was power in this meditation and it guided me into an important revelation. On the other, I didn’t find it as transformative as I feel it could have been.