Oy the energy… the transition… the cranky

 

Energetically speaking, for me there’s so much going on these days I have trouble deciding: which kind of energy, what started it, whether it’s me or some cosmic shift…  The unwinding is opening nadis and letting prana flow and grow.  Kundalini seems to be back (or maybe never went away…).  Supposedly cosmic forces are moving us along and flooding us with energy big time.

Besides being “buzzy” with gigantic amounts of energy running through me, lately I’ve been noticing a certain cranky factor.  It shows up just in certain situations and the rest of the time isn’t apparent.  It particularly shows up when I’m watching TV and some type of character I don’t like is a major part of the story.  Types whom I’ve always found mildly irritating are suddenly launching me into fury.

For instance, on NCIS LA, one of the two new characters this season I just never much liked (the other I adored though according to the cliffhanger she may not be back next season).  Most of the season I just kind of ignored her.  But in the finale she played a big part and every officious, obnoxious character trait (not to mention her whistling S’s) seemed exaggerated and especially annoying.

I spent the whole episode waving my fists and shouting, “would somebody just please shoot her (the character, not the actress) and put us all out of our misery???!!!”  “Or at least put tape over her mouth so we don’t have to listen to her?”  Now, it wouldn’t have been all that unusual for me to roll my eyes, grunt, and fast forward every time she showed up.  But shouting and shaking fists, that’s a bit unusual.  And as a basic pacifist, pretty odd for me to want somebody shot…

This total impatience for characters who offend me — and officiousness, which has been a very popular character trait the last couple of years, is something that really bugs me — accompanied by a sense of fury, is kind of new.  I’m aware of the spike in emotion every time it happens.

And then there’s #45.  I didn’t like him long before he ran for President and I’ve certainly been annoyed by plenty since his election.  But now when he shows up on my TV screen, I start gagging and crossing my fingers in the sign to ward off evil.  Again, some unpleasant muttering and eye rolling wouldn’t have been unusual in the past.  On my good days followed by saying the lovingkindness chant.  But now I feel like I’m erupting.

I’m trying to decide whether these sudden flares of temper are reflecting something in me that’s clearing.  Or, since I’m inclined to pick up on others’ energy, am I picking up on the general atmosphere of discord and working it out through my reactions to what I see on screen?  Or are some of these cosmic energies that are supposedly flooding us these days creating bigger emotional reactions than usual?  Is the constant big flow of energy creating irritation?  All of the above?

It’s been going on at least a couple of months so I know most things about alignments of stars, etc. have shifted more than once while this has been going on which has me I’m assuming it’s not about the movement of planets and such.

Since lots of you in this community are following all this stuff about this time of transition and are sensitive to energy, I’m curious whether anyone else is experiencing weird stuff like this?  Or are aware of info about the transition that would explain any of this.  Or just, you know, have any thoughts?

The time between

Kentucky River by Hall's 4

As my head opens up and my ancestral issues fade, I’ve been noticing how much more I’m both hearing from and paying attention to my intuition and how much I’m changing as the muscles change.  But mostly I’m still at a place of waiting… and coming to understand the importance of transitions.

With much more frequency than previously I’m being tapped on the shoulder  about a wide array of things from Vitamin D’s relation to aching backs to, lately, a lot of messages about both waiting and going with the flow as change arrives.

For instance, I just finished Elizabeth Berg’s lovely novel Tapestry of Fortunes, which I chose just because I’d not read it yet (love her), and it turned out to be another fun message on the going-with-the-flow theme.  The novel kind of glossed over the transition phase but was a lovely meander through a woman’s decision to change everything and doing it by  saying yes to each new thing that comes along.

I’ve been saying for a while I just want to let this final stage of healing unfold and see where I am and which way things are flowing.  I don’t have a plan. There are a few projects I hope to undertake, but I’m getting big internal “wait” messages.  At this stage I’m curious whether I’ll even be interested in those projects when the unwinding muscles saga concludes.

As my head becomes more and more free I feel more free and… different.  Right now it’s more a sense of becoming than anything I can name, but I’m feeling new.

I’ve been struggling for a description of what’s happening emotionally as my face relaxes into healthy patterns.  For a long time I’ve felt those grooves didn’t just come from repressed emotions but that those patterns began overlaying certain feeling tones on me regardless of how I felt aside from the muscles.

As the patterns in my head let go, I’m experiencing less and less of those sensations of anger, anxiety, irritability, etc. mingling with my general feeling of calm and serenity.  With the combo of muscle releases and ancestral issues clearing, I’m finally seeing an impact from all the years of spiritual practices playing out naturally in every day life.  I’m experiencing all these nuances in part because I HAVE slowed down and honored this transition phase.

As this unfolds, I continue haphazardly with my try/do new small stuff project, which is adding (1) to the sense of unfurling new petals and (2) to the effort to move out of the cocoon in which I’ve been wrapped during the long difficult process with my muscles. The key for me is to choose new things as the thought arises or a possibility appears instead of making a plan.

The next book I chose after the Elizabeth Berg novel was The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. I didn’t know much about it but it turned out to be another novel about someone coming out of a rut and making big life changes.  🙂  I had to laugh when I got to this passage:

`Do you know there’s a halfway world between each ending and each new beginning?   It’s called the hurting time…  Don’t underestimate the transition … between farewell and new departure. …

Since then I have often thought about … the threshold  that you have to cross between farewell and new departure.  The Little Paris Bookshop (Crown Publishing, New York, 2015), p. 301.

I wouldn’t describe my experience as a “hurting time” so much, though I did go through a grieving period earlier in the year.  But the sense that there’s a transition phase which needs to be honored fits beautifully not only with all the “wait” messages I keep getting but also with my own sense of being in a place “between”.

While the muscles continue unwinding I’m still having trouble sleeping enough and with being tired from the constant reorganizing of my body.  The “wait” message often includes a side note about completing the healing and then resting.  Part of me feels the societal pressure to be out there doing.  But by and large the waiting feels right for the transition time.

As I become acquainted with aspects of myself whom I’ve never met, I feel not just content to allow the transition to unfold but also determined to let the new me be revealed and find out what she wants to do.  Any plan I might make now feels as if it would impose old me on new me.  I seriously don’t want to re-bind myself in the shackles that have confined most of my life.

During my journey I’ve mostly ignored these transition moments and just kept pushing.  I’ve noticed many spiritual journeys wind up being so goal-oriented in this hurry-up world that seekers frequently skip sitting still for the transition moments.

As I sit quietly in this slow transit from past me to the next me, I’m feeling how important it is to stop the headlong motion and honor the transition.  To grieve what’s being left.  To integrate new lessons.  To allow the emerging new pattern time to gestate.

So here I am.  Just waiting…  (not even thinking Godot might show up…)

 

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