For many years now I’ve lived in two worlds when it comes to faith. On the one hand, I’ve moved more and more into a space in which I feel the energy of all that is and how we’re all connected to one another and the big energy of the Universe. And I believe the Universe operates on love and wants the best for us.
On the other, when it comes to certain aspects of my personal life, i have no faith at all in a benevolent God or universal Energy that specifically looks out for or assists me. I realized quite a few years ago I lost faith as a small child when my family was working hard at shutting down the essence of me and I felt God abandoned me.
I’ve been working ever since I noticed its absence on finding that faith while pretty much unsure how you do that. Doing my practices and lots of affirmations have helped move me in the direction of finding faith. And to be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve given it a lot of thought.
Then late last week I had two posts about Jesus in my feed on the same day. Jamie at Sophia’s Children reblogged Defiance, Introducing Mark’s Jesus (which I then reblogged here). Cynthia Sue Larson posted an interview she did with Gardner Sylvester on his book, The First Great Commandment, concerning his research on the secret code of the Bible through Jesus’ words.
These lovely pieces arrived at a time when I’ve been feeling increasingly put out by the folks who call themselves Christians but quote only the Old Testament (and often mistakenly think Jesus said those things) and seem unfamiliar with the New Testament. Which is kind of odd since I wasn’t that into it when I grew up Presbyterian…
But my spiritual path has included Unity and the notion of Christ Consciousness as well as explorations of the Gnostic Gospels and other similar teachings, all of which has led to a strong feeling about the presence of an energy in the Universe associated with Christ and love. And somewhere in there I keep thinking being Christian should be based on love.
It felt so heavenly to read those two posts with their beautiful takes on the love and kindness of Jesus and what it means. Hours later I reflected on the synchronicity of having them both show up a short time apart and how something fresh breathed through me.
As I contemplated the great loving presence of Christ Consciousness and then the Christ grid Steve Nobel brings down from the sun so often in his meditations, I felt that light fill and surround me as a palpable presence and in that presence I felt safe and protected and understood how it feels to be “in faith”.
I can’t say it is now a permanent state. But I keep being able to tap into that presence of light and remind myself I am safe and protected. There are issues of self worth still to heal and I’d say a vestige of the “God abandoned me” issue. But I’m working.
Today I found another, fairly new, Steve Nobel meditation for clearing fear. One of the most powerful meditations I’ve done. I particularly like that he goes through a number of different clearings several times each. Felt like I shifted a lot of energy, moving even closer to the place of faith where fear can’t dwell…