I’m running behind on everything blog lately so I’m just getting to last week’s Dungeon Prompt and will try to do better with the one that went up today…
If the journey of your life could be boiled down to a particular mission, what would it be? What has been the primary focus or purpose of your particular birth? You may believe that all of life is on a big picture path, but I’m asking about your particular journey. Is there any lesson or goal that has defined the majority of your life? What is your life’s mission?
Lately this is a good question. As my long healing journey has progressed I’ve felt less and less sure that any notion I’ve had about my life’s purpose reflects why I’m really here. That’s a work in progress.
In my youth and early adulthood, I would have unequivocally told you “music”. My elementary school dreams involved Broadway or being in the newest movie musicals. Around the time my interest moved more into jazz and rock I realized my beloved Hollywood musicals were pretty much over, so maturing tastes dovetailed with facing reality. Through those years I also wrote short stories and poetry and pondered a secondary career possibility as a writer.
In my twenties I tried to revive the music love and was lead singer for a band for a short time, but it didn’t work out and I was slowly realizing my many years of studying classical voice left me with a voice that didn’t really fit the style of music I wanted to do. More important, I could see I didn’t have the kind of “push” it takes to make a big music career. Scrap that mission.
Having become radicalized in college I put a lot of thought into having a career that would make some kind of difference. I wound up in law school, which I hated, and then in a short-lived career as an attorney fighting against nuclear power plants. My writing skills landed me the job of writing all the motions and briefs for my office. I liked winning those cases and the feeling of having helped to do something good but loathed being a lawyer. My zeal to be a public interest attorney of any sort died; end of that mission.
In the meantime I’d taken up yoga and meditation, earned a teaching certificate for yoga and regularly spent weekends taking classes on various spiritual topics. I started putting together a whole toolkit of quick, easy-to-use techniques for reducing tension and using them every day to keep the angst in check. When I decided I couldn’t take the law I decided to teach stress management.
Around the same time the health issues I’d been fighting for some time turned out to be chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and I reached the point where continuing on a normal work path became impossible. The next decade-and-a-half was spent juggling between trying to heal, continuing my spiritual and personal growth journey and trying to work as much as my ill health would allow. I tried stress management, mediation, working as a proofreader and editor for a small publishing company, working part-time for the Institute of Noetic Sciences, wrote a novel, and more.
Throughout these years I kept seeking a career path that felt right for me but none of the hats I wore seemed to be a perfect fit and the health issues interfered increasingly with keeping any kind of regular work schedule. I wound up teaching yoga classes and for myself re-working Robert Masters’ Psychophysical Method into specific sets combining his certain of his triggers of release with yoga. It made major inroads on the fibromyalgia issues. When I realized the power of this movement work I taught more classes using that than straight yoga classes but have never felt it’s my calling to teach movement. So no mission statement for that except that I’d like to make it available through recordings so others can be helped by it without me having to be the cheerleader.
Eventually some years back I realized the healing had to come first. That having the energy and the wherewithal to develop any career had to come first. Eventually as I’ve worked through not only the physical side but also emotional, ancestral, and past life issues related to the tight muscles I realized that for now this healing journey IS my purpose. And, since I know we are all one, each a part of the whole, I believe my healing helps others heal too. So I’ve thought of healing as a mission.
I feel very drawn to work for peace and it has informed much of my blogging. I designed workshops on the “Journey to Peace” but never managed to market them well enough to draw students in numbers Put on the back burner while I’ve worked hard to complete the muscle issues, the draw is there but not a sense of “how”.
In these turbulent times my sense of wanting to be peace, to be a voice of peace, to impact world peace in some way has only grown. I’m drawn toward creating a career path that brings the many things I’ve learned over the years together in service of peace.
But this path has meant letting go of so much of who I used to be and led to so many questions about who I really am, what I really love and what I’m really here for that I have no sense of the mission statement for the next phase beyond “serve peace”. In many ways I see this desire as a maturing and transforming of my earlier desire to do public interest work and how that desire was born of the hippie protests, etc. of college.
So much is changing in me as my body changes, I’m content to see what feels right when the healing process winds down.