The last week or so has been a strange time – one of those spells when life has a different rhythm and things are changing subtly but I can’t quite see what it all means. So my thoughts are rambling. I wrote a couple of posts on the Sassy blog about my absorption with the Olympics the last couple of weeks. That’s part of the story. But another part has been cleaning in prep for an out-of-town guest who arrives next week. And the final, probably biggest piece, has been some significant opening in the unwinding head saga.
The cleaning project started out to be cosmetic although the kitchen had gotten pretty far out of hand. Then the pantry turned out to have been invaded by mice and suddenly I was launched on a massive clearing and cleaning and then decided to reorganize as long as I had to throw out so much. Suddenly cleaning the kitchen became about a 15 hour project this last week.
Part of what launched this energetic enterprise was that the muscles in my head unwound enough that suddenly I had more energy though I didn’t realize at the time why I felt so peppy. I was so involved with the Olympics and the cleaning and keeping up with my class schedule that the new normal slipped by me almost unnoticed. Then one day I realized that I’d slept normal hours (for me – I’m a night owl from birth so my normal looks weird to most other people…) and that I was getting up and accomplishing hours of hard work without collapsing. First time in years that I haven’t had a relapse from that much effort.
I realized a long time ago that the twisting and tightness in my muscles plays a big role in the fatigue issues I’ve experienced for years. When I first moved from no energy at all to having a higher level energy (although very low by most standards) on a sustained basis my major muscles had all pretty much been restored to health. Then I felt a growing awareness that the amount of tension in my head alone has been taking vast amounts of energy.
I’m not sure if most people realize that those tense necks and tight shoulders and stiff hips that are so rampant these days eat up a lot of energy. It takes a lot of energy to hold all those patterns and twists and knots and it also takes more energy to do everything when your body has to get around all of that.
My attention stayed so focused through all of this on the Olympics that I almost failed to notice the extraordinary changes taking place. In between races and dives, etc. the kitchen project moved along. As the week progressed I couldn’t decide whether I felt more triumphant at the shining gleaming reorganized kitchen or the realization that I had so much more energy and that I had gotten enough sleep many nights in a row.
Somehow the lightness I feel when I look at the kitchen which now looks so great and so much easier to cook in–but which felt like a great overwhelming burden hanging over me for months before–seems to be related to the greater lightness I feel in my head and in my being. But right now I’m just spinning in the midst of it all and trying to fathom that no one will be jumping, diving, running or tossing for a medal for a long time…