A little vision update

It’s been a long time since I mentioned much about the impact of the changes in my muscles on my eyesight.  Long ago I wrote a post about the late vision therapist Dr. Harry Sirota’s theories about emotions creating tight muscles that cause near-sightedness (and so much more).  At that time I was chronicling some improvements in my eyesight as the muscles unwound.

Eventually I realized the improvement was entirely in my right eye, which came as no surprise as the tight stuff is far worse on the left side and my left eye has been so cemented in tight and intertwined muscles I’ve had a notion it’s going to be the last piece to unwind.  The muscles on the left side have been holding a lot of stuff on the right side in tightness, etc. so I eventually hit a plateau where the right eye quit improving and nothing seemed to happen to my left eye.  Which is why I haven’t written about my vision in a while…

In the last couple of months a lot of the unwinding has been deep behind my eyes and suddenly today I realized my right eye has improved some more and … ta da ta da… the left eye is better too!!!  Not done… both sides have more to do, but I love these moments when the improvement is tangible.


The long haul

Screaming it out

I was hunting around today for a post I apparently never wrote, trolling through the first couple of years of blogging.  Looking back always seems to be a big reminder of how incredibly long the muscle problems and the crazy unwinding face/head muscles thing has been going on.  I feel a bit ridiculous because I see myself always expressing the hope that the healing is just about complete.   And incredulous I could have spent this many years, so much money, so many hours of my time on healing my muscles — and it still isn’t over.  So, spoiler alert, I’m whiny…

I’ve mainly only “talked” about the unwinding head portion here.  To those who’ve followed for years even that story probably seems long …  and the unwinding actually started about 7 years before the blog.  The head piece was just the final puzzle to solve in a much longer quest for healthy muscles that started in the mid-80s.  The tightness and pain, etc. that led to the quest had been present for years before I started realizing I had to do something.  By the time someone noticed the muscles in my face and head were blocking the final stage of healing the muscles in my body, most of the major muscles in my body were actually in pretty good shape; you know, except the ones being held in twisted patterns by my head.

For the last several years I have felt more debilitated by all this than at any point before — even when far less healthy I was better able to function.  Something about this head thing — and maybe the weariness of how very many years it has taken — has just been too much.

Today I postponed yet another outing I’d looked forward to because I was awake all night with my face being yanked.  [See here for a little video displaying what you can see of the process from the outside.]  Because I haven’t been able to contribute (compounded by stockmarket issues and bad management), my mother and I are facing some very tough decisions about our future.  I don’t get how I landed here…  And it just feels like too much.

Thanks for listening.  I’m sure I’ll meditate and do yoga and restore balance yet again…


Peeling more layers


Eyemuscles (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The last couple of weeks have involved a lot of unwinding, not sleeping and headaches…  and a lot of reflection about this long long process.  [Pretty much every muscle you see up there has been wound up in knots and intertwined and/or glued to just about every other muscle in my face they could possibly touch]

Both body work practitioners and meditation “guides” have told me there were dangers (blindness or stroke) in opening the muscles too fast so I’ve tried to be grateful but really by and large I’ve been frustrated and impatient.  I’ve repeatedly asked the Universe and Ku to just finish the healing and let me be free.  I’ve said affirmations and done visualizations (and no, I’m not looking for suggestions for some other technique to try).  I’ve done practices and spent fortunes on body work and healers.  It all helps but the process is still maddeningly slow.

When I feel the degree of tugging on the left optic nerve and realize the depth to which it has been entwined in other muscles it IS nerve wracking and I can sense the danger if something pulled too hard or too suddenly.  It helps me understand the need for a slow unfolding but doesn’t stop me wishing it would hurry up.

I also keep feeling different stages of energy returning, with growing comprehension of how much energy tight muscles commandeer.  Long ago, when I finished the Fisher Hoffman process, most of the major muscles in my body (not head) finally started letting go.  The next year or two brought great progress in body work and I experienced a great boost of energy first from releasing the emotional material and then from opening muscles so energy could flow more freely.  It turned out the chronic fatigue arose from the muscle issues.

Now I’m experiencing an amazing process wherein the unfolding around my eyes is opening up energy pathways through my whole body.  It’s amazing to realize how much of my prana has been sidetracked into holding all these tight muscles in my face and how much tight muscles interfere with the flow of energy.

And the more I feel it the more I want to shout out to the many folks I see everywhere I go whose muscles are visibly tight:  heal your muscles and get your energy back!  Haven’t decided how to present this mission of healing but I can see it’s part of the reason for this long drawn-out process.

My impression, based both on my own experience and what I’ve observed, is that most people don’t realize how fatiguing it is to have tight muscles.  How detrimental to your health.  Until I finally got the right diagnosis, I had no idea tight muscles could squeeze organs and glands.  For me, it was every organ and every gland being squeezed until they could barely function.

For now all I can think of is to tell you to take care of your muscles.  If you have knots and painful places, do what you have to to heal them.  Your health and vitality depend on it.


Muscles: 4 Steps Forward, 2 Steps Back… Forever?

Helen yoga

Helen yoga (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Trying to post the last couple of weeks has been an interesting process.  In this time of transition I have SO many ideas swirling through my head, so many realizations arising; much of it is interconnected.  Right now I’m struggling to sort my way through it all and my mind doesn’t seem to have its usual organizational abilities to sort through it all and create posts.  Not to mention that much of it is still in process…

I will get back to J2P Monday again, but right now the one arena where I seem to have some coherent thoughts is about muscles.

Last time, I talked about how muscles intertwine, squeeze off energy and can take a long time unwinding.  This time the exploration moves to the up and down process of healing muscles.

You see, no matter how much body work you get or how many muscle-healing exercises you’re doing, life is still going on.  You sit with your head twisted to the side watching television and that’s twisting the muscles in your neck.  You hit your head on a cupboard door and tighten a bunch of muscles in your jaw, neck and shoulders.  Your boss goes on a rampage and you tighten your whole body.  If you have really tight muscles, the tight ones are pulling the healed pieces back into tightness.

For a long time I found that at every massage appointment the first half — at least — was spent getting out the kinks that settled back in between appointments.  Increasingly I tried to make sure to do yoga and/or soak in a hot bath before an appointment so I could work some of the kinks out on my own.

When I created my movement work, it was just for me and I practiced numerous times in between appointments, often achieving more releases.  Sometimes my practitioners said I came back in even better shape than I’d been in at the end of the last appointment.

At this point I generally make appointments at a time when I can spend at least an hour-and-a-half beforehand on doing the release movements and yoga and then soaking at least 20 minutes in a hot bath.  Very little time is wasted in my appointments on retrieving lost ground and the fact that I’m looser and in balance makes it easier to achieve some deep releases.

Even with these efforts, there were times when I fell or slept in an awkward position and lost some ground.  With TMJ, even though the muscles in my face and jaw were unwinding, I clenched in the night and tightened it back up.  Sometimes I had stellar spells when the movement seemed only forward.  But most of the time the process of healing my muscles moved more like four steps forward, two steps back.  Always getting better, but an up and down process…

The healing moved much more quickly when I developed the exercise sets that so deeply trigger releases in the muscles but still it has been kind of four steps forward, one step back.  Always up and down.

When I say I’m almost done, I’m referring to the patterns of muscles currently in my head.  There are still a few other places that haven’t let go.  And I’m always aware, body work and doing my exercises is a life-time commitment because as long as I’m alive my muscles will ever be subject to sitting “funny”, bumping into things, tension, etc.

There is no such thing as DONE with muscles.  If you want muscles that are relaxed, strong and healthy, it’s a lifetime commitment to taking care of them.  Even when you’ve solved any specific issues you may have, you still have to work at keeping them healthy.

J2P Monday: My Body, My World

The Earth seen from Apollo 17.

The Earth seen from Apollo 17. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In this interconnected web of all life, our bodies are deeply connected to Earth.  The care and health of one has an impact on the other.  When we harm the land, the sea, and the air, we create health issues for our bodies.  And when we don’t care for our own bodies, we don’t take care of the earth.

For me, it’s very clear that the cavalier way many of us treat our bodies (particularly here in the U.S.; if your culture does it differently, chime in in the comments) directly connects to the cavalier way we treat the earth. And that the diseases of the earth relate to our poor treatment of our bodies.  From poor eating habits to poor exercise habits to regular sleep deprivation to abuse of medicines, the ways we fail our bodies are myriad.  How can we expect to heal the earth if we can’t take care of our own physical well-being?

Everything is energy.  Our bodies are energy.  The planets are energy.  The totality of energy creates the great web of oneness or All That Is.  The food we eat has energy.  Our thoughts have energy. The content of our thoughts and actions and eating influences the vibration of our bodies.  As part of the web, our bodies influence all life and thus life on Earth.

Your spiritual journey is affected by this as well.  The mind/body/spirit connection is profoundly deep.  Pursuit of mental balance and higher spiritual consciousness can never be successful if you’re ignoring your physical well-being.

Poor habits are so ingrained in U.S. culture, I’ve found it a big challenge to stick to a healthier plan.  I’m surrounded by choices that tempt me away from good eating and regular exercise and I have to stay mindful to stick to a path.  I’ve also found it hard that everyone who has a theory seems to find it necessary to tout that theory as being true for all of mankind.  They almost never are.

Our bodies have so many differences from ancestral cellular memory to blood type to allergies to biorhythms, each of us has to figure out which foods, which exercises, which sleep times, etc. work for us.  And then follow the program that works.

There are a lot of theories about healthy eating out there that absolutely don’t work for me.  A vegan diet, for instance, sends me into a downward spiral that sucks the energy out of me at a frightening pace.  Too much raw food has the same effect.  I have issues with iron and anemia that mean the only way I keep from regular bouts of iron deficiency anemia is to make sure I eat red meat a couple of times a week.

I also have a few habits like a daily cup of coffee and once a day eating a sweet something that leave my pristine eating friends rolling their eyes over my bad habits — even though in general I eat far more fruits and veggies and generally healthier meals than most.

I get a kick out of it because most of the health food fanatics who disapprove of my diet fail to do regular exercises for healthy muscles.  They’re so tied up about food issues, they give no attention to developing muscles that are both strong and flexible–a balance that is required for healthy muscles–and allow energy to flow freely through the body.

I find most people lean toward healthy exercise or healthy eating but don’t manage both.  And among those who do both, I find most follow exercise regimens that emphasize strength and hard muscles but don’t balance with keeping their muscles also flexible.  As you grow older those hard muscles contribute to poor balance and falling; without the flexibility, the strength ultimately doesn’t serve.

The point is, few of us manage to follow a perfectly pristine regimen — and many follow paths to health that are popular rather than best for their own bodies.  I think if you’re doing the best you can at changing your diet, exercising, etc. you’re already on the right path.

Take small steps.  My diet has changed slowly over quite a few years as I’ve learned more about how (1)  different foods make me feel; (2) to modify recipes to substitute for foods to which I have sensitivities; and (3) to add nutrition to a variety of dishes.  Sometimes it helps to just cut out one or two things and discover a couple of healthier things to eat instead.  When you’ve rooted that into your habits, choose a couple more things to change.

It’s much easier on your psyche to take it slow.  I now have a long list of healthier foods I love and regularly eat, most of which I’d never have made or ordered years ago.  I learned to like some things I wasn’t inclined to and found I really liked other healthy things I didn’t expect to…

Fortunately for me, I fell in love with yoga from the get go so for most of the 29+ years I’ve practiced, it hasn’t been an issue to put in the time.  But these last few years of health issues have interfered with my decades-long exercise habit.  I’ve found it’s easy to at least do a small something rather than nothing and so in small increments I’ve managed not to lose all my progress and as I’ve felt better, in slightly growing increments, I’ve been restoring what I lost.  Small and steady can do it.

If you are serious about wanting to bring peace to the world and to heal the planet, think about how you treat your own body.  Do you give the same care and concern for your own heath that you feel for the world?  In the next J2P post or two I’m going to explore more about health and apply ho’oponopono to aspects of healing.

Imprints gone and more

Kat Atkin dancing in Philly

Kat Atkin dancing in Philly

My session yesterday with Osunnike was amazing.  Three hours flew by so quickly I expected, when I returned to my car, to see that we finished early and was surprised to discover we used the whole time.

The first part of the session involved her reading me and asking questions to establish the focus for the healing portion.  She “saw” the imprints of past lives as a shaman/seer/witch, etc. and several areas in which the imprints affected my life, confirming the information I got in my Akashic record reading.  Her intuitive ability is spot on and impressed me throughout the appointment.

Her energy and the energy in the house are huge; I felt my kundalini being nudged into overdrive just sitting in the living room while she prepared the healing room.  Her energy along with sound and chanting in the healing portion was powerful and SO effective.  By the end she felt all the imprints had been cleared (at least all that we were addressing).

I left feeling that something major had shifted.  I’m sure it will take a while for all the ramifications of the healing to be seen.  But this morning I felt like five-year-old me.  On my fifth birthday I leapt from bed, ran to the bathroom and jumped on the scale, shouting for my parents to come see if I’d gotten bigger–convinced that if growing older and getting “big” were somehow connected, I should be larger on the day I became older.  Although I know better now, I sometimes realize that hopeful little girl is still in there, half-expecting miraculous, visible and measurable change.

In reality, I got up to a day that looked much as my days have for a long time.  And the headache that started during the appointment when she worked on my head and has continued intermittently ever since.  I haven’t caught up on sleep but I’ve felt more energy today than the norm for the last couple of decades.  A positive sense that I have indeed dropped that rope and quit hauling the mountain along accompanied by feeling freer and lighter.

The biggest piece moved somewhere around the level of thymus–at Nine Gates we called it “High Heart”.  Sadly it did not complete the process in my head although it opened more and she indicated there’s not much left there.  I have another cranio-sacral appointment next week and we both sensed that it will be easier to align everything.

Late in the session we hit a piece about being smothered or strangled at some point (unknown whether it’s a past or present life experience) which I’ve encountered many times before and this time it finally cleared.  By the end energy flowed through my body more freely than I can ever remember–I especially noted huge energy in my legs.  Between the twist in my left leg and many muscle issues, I don’t know that I’ve ever felt a full flow of energy down my legs and into my feet before.

I’m sure I’ll be integrating this for some time to come.  She also felt there are a couple of issues to keep working on (aren’t there always? 🙂 ) so I may do more work with her somewhere down the line.  I feel like I made it out of a tunnel, but other than feeling a sense of shift, I can’t really describe specifically what has changed.  Time will tell.  Today I’m just grateful for feeling a major healing has taken place.  Once the muscle thing calms down and I’ve gotten some rest I feel like I can get back into the world and do great things.


Our Bodies, Our World (PS Chant for Peace time!)

Lately as I’ve struggled with the healing journey I’ve been thinking a lot about the world and the environment and how I think the physical and emotional health of each of us has an impact on the world.  Particularly as I’ve read about environmental issues and earth changes it has felt to me that the earth is undergoing a process much like the opening and shifting I experience every day.

The world and all her people, plants and animals are one.  One interconnected web of life. I look around at the stiff bodies everywhere, I feel the buried angst surrounding me.  How can the earth be healthy when we aren’t?  At the same time, more people are healing and the earth is shifting and changing with us.

In my movement classes I see so many blank looks when I try to explain that life feels better when the body is open and flowing.  When I try to tell people that I think the most important job each of us can do is to heal many look at me like I’m daft.  Heal emotionally  Heal physically.  Heal the world.  Oneness means that the state of being and the energy of each of us is contributing to the state of the whole.  I see a correlation between the current state of the world and the health of its population.  When enough people heal, I believe the earth will heal.

It;s hard work.  I watch people bump up against places that don’t want to let go and they start making the movements smaller or quit coming to class.  They don’t want to go there.  I get it.  Looking in all those dark corners isn’t fun — though the relief after something is released is heavenly.  Lots of the patterns involving tight muscles relate to buried memories, emotions and issues.  Healing yourself is a big job.  Healing the world is a big job. But the thing is, you don’t have to take responsibility for changing the government or healing the planet or stopping crime.  The only place where you have complete responsibility and control is over yourself.  Heal yourself.  Heal the world.  I’m trying to figure out how to say it so it makes sense to people.

Restore your body to flowing and with the healing and release, be the change in the world.


Don’t forget about Collective Prayer Sunday.  I’ve been working on the challenge I offered to chant for Rara’s accusers.  As always, the chant is softening my heart and my feelings around the case.  I’m a little behind on blog stuff so if there’s been any outward change, I don’t know.  But as my heart softens I know that the only space I want to hold around this is the one that has love for everyone involved.