Several times since I left California people have asked me how it feels to be back in Kentucky. My first thought is always “Not that great.” Out there I feel like I’m drinking in the beauty around me – not just sights but scents and sounds. My whole being feels at home and comfortable there. Many of the deepest spiritual connections among my friends are out there (note I am NOT saying all, which is by no means the case). I feel like I breathe easier there. I struggle a bit with that because I know there are lines of spiritual thinking that would say if I have learned to live in the moment and accept what is in each moment then it “shouldn’t” make any difference to me where I am. But it does. (Another spiritual trail to jettison, I guess- see previous post).
I believe that different places have different energies and that most of us feel better in some places than in others. I’ve only looked into astrocartography a little but it has always made sense to me. I also just have felt such different energies in different cities and towns that I feel like each place has a basic vibe and that some people are better suited than others to each place. So I feel there’s something real about the draw that Marin (and much of the Bay Area) has for me.
At the same time, I stay very aware that a big reason I left California was the gigantically high cost of living and I’ve always sworn that I would never move back unless I had a very high paying job or I’d sold a few million books… Still feel that way. At the moment my vision is to create a way to be there more often. And I’m also aware that some of my sense of let down when I come back to Kentucky stems from the way I think about it.
It wasn’t always that way. As a child when we visited my parents’ home town several times a year I loved it here and begged to move. Lexington was MUCH smaller and very much more southern and charming in those days. When I remind myself of that I remember what I learned in my late friend Ellen Margron’s Emotional Mastery class many years ago: my emotions are all mine and I can choose whether to be in any given state or to move into another one. I don’t choose to hang around here feeling discontent so I work on changing my attitude that this isn’t a good place for me.
It’s been a hard re-entry and I do feel in some ways that Marin is more my place than this is. But it’s beautiful here too and I have been blessed with lovely friends and a lot of the ultimate answers to my healing have been here; in part because I found just the right practitioners here and in part because the lack of the big spiritual support system I had in California led me to pull out all the resources I learned over the years and to practice, practice, practice. With all of that going for my life here I can find that place of gratitude and then my equanimity.
The answer, I guess, is that the re-entry has been hard but I’ve found my way back to the place of peace in where I am now. And I’d still like to be able to get out there more often… Just sayin’.
See also: Here I come