After Marin–re-entry

House sit is on the other side of this hill…

Several times since I left California people have asked me how it feels to be back in Kentucky. My first thought is always “Not that great.” Out there I feel like I’m drinking in the beauty around me – not just sights but scents and sounds. My whole being feels at home and comfortable there. Many of the deepest spiritual connections among my friends are out there (note I am NOT saying all, which is by no means the case). I feel like I breathe easier there. I struggle a bit with that because I know there are lines of spiritual thinking that would say if I have learned to live in the moment and accept what is in each moment then it “shouldn’t” make any difference to me where I am. But it does.  (Another spiritual trail to jettison, I guess- see previous post).

I believe that different places have different energies and that most of us feel better in some places than in others. I’ve only looked into astrocartography a little but it has always made sense to me. I also just have felt such different energies in different cities and towns that I feel like each place has a basic vibe and that some people are better suited than others to each place. So I feel there’s something real about the draw that Marin (and much of the Bay Area) has for me.

At the same time, I stay very aware that a big reason I left California was the gigantically high cost of living and I’ve always sworn that I would never move back unless I had a very high paying job or I’d sold a few million books… Still feel that way. At the moment my vision is to create a way to be there more often. And I’m also aware that some of my sense of let down when I come back to Kentucky stems from the way I think about it.

It wasn’t always that way. As a child when we visited my parents’ home town several times a year I loved it here and begged to move. Lexington was MUCH smaller and very much more southern and charming in those days. When I remind myself of that I remember what I learned in my late friend Ellen Margron’s Emotional Mastery class many years ago: my emotions are all mine and I can choose whether to be in any given state or to move into another one. I don’t choose to hang around here feeling discontent so I work on changing my attitude that this isn’t a good place for me.

It’s been a hard re-entry and I do feel in some ways that Marin is more my place than this is. But it’s beautiful here too and I have been blessed with lovely friends and a lot of the ultimate answers to my healing have been here; in part because I found just the right practitioners here and in part because the lack of the big spiritual support system I had in California led me to pull out all the resources I learned over the years and to practice, practice, practice. With all of that going for my life here I can find that place of gratitude and then my equanimity.

The answer, I guess, is that the re-entry has been hard but I’ve found my way back to the place of peace in where I am now. And I’d still like to be able to get out there more often… Just sayin’.

See also:  Here I come

Traveling

Saturday I crossed the country to house sit at the place where I used to live in Marin.  Still readjusting to time zone change but so grateful to be here.  It’s been gorgeous and so much warmer than the unseasonably cold weather we’ve been having in Kentucky.  Blogging has been on hiatus the last couple of days but I plan to get back to it while here – in between all the lovely lunches and dinners with dear friends….

So much of my journey is related to this place I feel myself expand just to be here.  Life is good.