Something’s Calling?

Barbara Franken of Me, My Magnificent Self has invited a third round of posts on Awakening Experiences which will be made into another e-book. This entry is perhaps more about the next stage of my journey than awakening, but I see it as describing another step forward in awareness.

As indicated in my last post I’ve been sporadically contemplating “What’s next?”. The question crops up periodically as I’ve been tired of this healing thing for a long time and ready to move forward. But to what?

It’s not that I hang around constantly fretting over the future. But this whole journey started as a way for me to learn not only to live a happier life but to find a career path that felt like me after a lifetime of trying to please everyone else. I rarely liked the choices made for others and I’d lost any sense of who I was and what I wanted to do. So I do have an interest in moving forward.

I’ve joked many times, if I’d realized at the beginning the journey would lead me into so many deep hollows and twisty byways I probably wouldn’t have started. Along the way, the spiritual tools my early mentors handed me wound up adding spirituality to the journey; I admit it was not part of my original quest. The spiritual side leaves me aware there’s a flow and life is easier when you connect with it. And I keep getting glimpses — “knowing”– or flashes of insight about where the current is heading, so I’m trying to interpret and understand.

Called to Teach?

Early on writing felt like my calling and I spent a long time working on unlocking my inner writer. Something I did easily and naturally as a child and teenager eluded me. While I pursued the idea of writing fiction, various prescient teachers intertwined with insightful flashes of my own to suggest a different path.

In the mid-90’s, several of my spiritual teachers started dogging me about how they knew I’m a leader and here to teach. A couple of them bugged me periodically about getting out there and teaching. I could sense the core of truth in their reading of me but also had no idea what to teach nor, as it turned out, how to teach 🙂

Eventually I decided that maybe teaching through my writing answered the calling, got help creating a web site and started posting “Tips for the Spiritual Journey”. Which was fun to write but led nowhere, to no audience…

Called to Journey for Peace

Moving ahead to the mid -aughts, a friend with awesome right listening skills gently probed with ever more deepening questions until I realized I felt called to work for peace. Some time later my “Journey to Peace” class was formulated. I’d also been trying to teach some right speech classes.

Many of the people who took the classes said they got a lot out of it but I rarely drew more than 1-3 at a time. It took several years to learn enough about the rhythm and flow of teaching to structure the classes with a good mix of lecture and practice. But the classes were costing me more often than they made any money and I was reaching so few people it seemed pointless.*

In the meantime I’d developed my movement classes — which began purely as an aid to my own muscle issues — and taught yoga and my own movement stuff to the same pitiful results. The efforts reached a point where almost simultaneously the unwinding muscles in my head reached a debilitating pinnacle and I threw in the towel on teaching classes.

Somewhere in the midst of that, I wound up guided to start this blog and thought perhaps it was my teaching path. And then when I collected a crowd of lovely folks who already know what I’m teaching but didn’t seem to reach anyone else, I gave up thinking of the blog as the conduit for teaching.

Ahead of the curve

Several years ago I had a breakthrough three-hour session with local healer Osunnike. One of the most profound moments I didn’t completely understand at the time, except that it was key and I’ve kept coming back to it.

In my memory she actually stopped for a moment when she picked up on this piece but it may have just felt so important to me that I ceased noticing her ongoing healing. Suddenly she started telling me she could see how far ahead of the curve I am on a lot of things and how hard it is for me to be trying to get it out there when most people don’t understand my message. She sensed great loneliness and sadness that few were understanding what I could see clearly. And she told me the day was coming when people would be ready to hear me.

At the time I was working on getting my movement classes out there and feeling this area wasn’t ready for it, so I asked if that was what she meant. She said it was only a part of it; there were many ways in which my teaching at the time was ahead of general understanding. I wasn’t sure I understood, partly because calling myself “ahead of the curve” sounded arrogant or beyond where I could see myself at the time.

When I wrote about the experience I didn’t say much about that piece of it because I needed time to let it sink in and to understand it better. Lately, as the muscles blocking my third eye have been opening, I’m getting more flashes of “knowing” and moments of sudden insight.

Among the insights I’ve been sensing: (1) the bigger part of what Osunnike meant referred to my efforts on what it takes to move toward peace; and (2) my writing here about peace and some of the things I’ve been trying to say about women in my women’s issues series will soon be understood and this long spell of feeling like an unheard failure will be over.

Near the time of these insights, I spoke to fellow blogger Linda, of litebeing chronicles and she mentioned my writings on peace. She told me she follows lots of blogs on spiritual topics but nowhere else did she see a discussion of peace quite like mine. And she encouraged me to writing about it. It dovetailed with my growing sense of being “out there” in what I’m saying. But I could also see if I keep on writing then when people are ready to hear this, a big body of work will already be there for them.

All of this has me contemplating the blog again and ruminating on peace and what we can do from here. I’m seeing this as fulfilling the teaching path so many mentors foresaw long ago. And connecting Osunnike’s insights to the “leader” part of their insights. The threads of teaching and writing joining the thread of thinking ahead of the curve…

Right now I’m just still moving through the last stage of the healing journey. Impatient, obviously 🙂 But I like the sense of direction as I flow toward the next phase. Maybe the exact place I’ve been meant to head all along?

*A few students have told me the class affected them deeply and continues to be an impact so I also reflect on the possibility those few were the only ones I was meant to teach at the time…

13 thoughts on “Something’s Calling?

  1. Dear Leigh,
    reading through your journey, I know how difficult it has been, given your own battle with your muscle spasms as you clear the ‘blockages’ and obstacles we who are on this journey
    often encounter on are various stages to waking up to our true purpose.

    One thing I admire is that you do not give up or give in, and I admire your healing journey that I know from past conversations has been a difficult and painful one.

    Linda is a great intuitive, and I am certain the Path to Peace is one that you will succeed within.
    I wish you well on that next part of your journey Leigh, and know others who step on that road with you will benefit from your wisdom and knowledge..

    Many thanks for sharing, and sending you love and healing light ..
    Sue ❤

  2. I hear you Leigh… I have personally felt everything you say… They wanted me to be a teacher too, but no way did I want to feed the nonsense of our yesterdays that continue today to our children! AND I’ve wondered where my place in society is.

    The thing is there is nowhere for us to fit in… at the moment… what we’ve both and many of our friends here on wordpress have been doing… is loving and trusting ourselves, widening our perceptive, creating new wonders for ourself… that is healing ourselves and helping us gain confidence to be the new standard… the new leaders that teach others to stand out, to live from the heart in peace, joy and love. We are living examples of harmony… creating harmony on Earth.

    The time is near dear leigh… and I can only thank you for staying on course, perfecting the new game of UNITY. You can be proud of your journey, cause it’s not been easy… and has needed humour along the way!

    Like yourself I’ve only had dribbles of people that have been ready to be the change…. we have been far ahead of the NEW game… but it gave us enough experience to refine our talk.

    Thankyou so much Leigh for sharing your vulnerability and honesty that I know will help ‘mass consciousness’ journey in ease and grace as many now have the potential to awaken.
    Much love Barbara x

    • Thanks so much Barbara. I so appreciate you and your blog and your supportive thoughts. I kind of think this group of us from around the world who’ve met here have been networked for a purpose, maybe just to be this support maybe something more still to come. Either way, I’m so grateful for you and my other beloved friends here.

  3. Per usual Leigh, I come away with such a rich experience after reading your material. I concur with Sue and Barbara and am oh so grateful for my wonderful online family who remain strong and wise throughout my 5+ years on WP.

    I value your humility tremendously, along with your ability to discern with patience and grace. I was pleasantly surprised to see my name mentioned here. Thanks for the acknowledgement. I chuckled as I often do at the realization that I have been much better at guiding others than understanding my own path, particularly in the area of career.

    In conclusion, I notice that many of us use different words and phrases to convey an idea or theory, but in the end it matters little. What does remain enduring in value are the messages that emanate from the heart.

    blessings to you my friend,
    Linda ❤

  4. The biggest thing I get from this piece Leigh is how clear you are! Despite the stopping and starting, the twists and turns, the apparent “failures”, you keep moving forward on the right path, always being exactly where you’re meant to be. Your heart, your clarity, and your determination will bring you home. Despite the difficulty of the journey you’re a hero, even if you can’t see it yourself.
    Alison xox

  5. Pingback: And The Journey Continues… A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part III | The Long Way Home

  6. Pingback: Feeling thankful | Not Just Sassy on the Inside

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