Some days ago, Nadine Marie put up a post on Aligning with Truth about purpose in which she explored new ways of thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about purpose and how it relates to me, and whether I know what mine is, etc. for a while so this was timely and I’ve been pondering ever since. As I pondered, some things came together for me.
The process of healing in recent years has kept me living pretty far outside the norm and a life that doesn’t look much like most people of my age expect. So much change has been moving through I’ve let go of many thoughts I had about what my purpose may be or even what I most wanted to do.
In the U.S. (other places, your two cents about your country are welcome and encouraged) there’s a lot of pressure to have a purpose and a plan and there always seems to be an underlying assumptions that purpose must involve either some great act of charity or — more often — something to do with earning a living or having a career.
Since those things aren’t happening for me, I’ve struggled occasionally with feeling inadequate. The pressure to have a life that suits the norm surrounds me and you might be amazed how frequently other people have made it clear that they consider me lazy or useless because they disapprove of anyone living a life that doesn’t meet their standards.
My health struggles have been going on long enough that I learned long ago to shrug off those opinions though I won’t say I don’t still have moments when their contempt or disapproval hurts my feelings. For most of the early years of illness I struggled to keep up with the norm and juggled part-time jobs with many failed business attempts.
Finally, however, I realized that my energy vibration was so faint and weak I could never succeed at jobs or businesses without getting healthy (need to match the vibration) … and also that I didn’t really have the stamina for even the part-time jobs or the attempts at self-employment/business. Something like five years ago I realized my health had to become the priority.
I’d been going to alternative practitioners, practicing yoga and other healing modalities, doing emotional work, taking supplements, etc. for many years, always with small, steady amounts of progress but I finally got it that this had to be the focus. Other than teaching some yoga (which for me is very healing) and writing a couple of books (which I can do on whatever schedule I’m up to), I’ve done nothing but work at healing, exploring my inner landscape for answers, etc.
Until recently I’ve tended to think of it as a time spent living outside the world and figured I’d get around to a new purpose and its implementation after becoming healthy again. Recently, though, as I’ve worked with Hanna on finishing out some of the ancestral issues that have anchored my muscle issues, I’m looking at it all differently. I’m particularly affected by realizing how much all of this ancestral healing is healing everyone in my extended family tree on some level.
Sparked by Nadine’s post, I’ve now moved to a new view of purpose. These years of healing WERE/ARE MY PURPOSE! Not necessarily the only one — as she notes, I think there can be more than one purpose in a lifetime — but a huge part of why I’m here on earth. Healing myself. Healing my ancestors. Learning to be a voice of healing.
As I move toward the end of the healing journey, I’m still in limbo about what’s next and what I think my next purpose may be. As I just posted on the Scribblings blog (including the above photo), I’m seeing myself as part of a flow and trying to stay out of the way and allow the current to take me to the next destination my higher self has determined.
Off the normal path, in solitude and quiet, I’ve been living a purpose that doesn’t look anything like expectations about purpose held by the mainstream in my country. But I believe it’s a purpose that’s at least equally important to all that stuff “out there” considered to be the meaning of purpose. I’m even at the point of questioning the usual idea of purpose and whether a lot of these plans made by minds instead of hearts or intuitions are really the raison d’etre for many of those who believe they’re living their purpose…
I’m even pondering many side trips people I’ve known have been led to make and wondering if purpose may often be more about what we learn and how we change from the challenges that blow up our plans than about the outer world and the careers and the normal stuff of “purpose”??? Are attributes like kindness and compassion and healing and nurturing possibly more central to “purpose” than most people think? I’m very interested to hear the thoughts of others…