Walking the path alone…

Muscle masséter. Vue latérale

Muscle masséter. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As I’ve previously mentioned, one of the things I appreciate about appointments with Hanna is her intuitive ability.  She receives information and images while she’s working, and because she knows I love that feedback, she tells me what she’s receiving.

Last Friday she picked up some information about how long and hard I’d worked to get to this place and that I wouldn’t have been able to do it had I had children.  I’ve known that for a long time but felt it on a deeper level when she said it.  And then instantly had the thought that it wouldn’t have happened had I been married either.

“I had to be alone to do this,” I said, and knew it was true on a profound level.

I’m not saying this would be true for everyone.  I’m sure there are plenty of wives and mothers who’ve made huge strides along a spiritual path and I’ve known some.  But I know my nature well enough to know that if a husband and/or children had been in the picture I would not have dug as deep, been as single-minded nor accomplished anything like as much.  More likely I would not have moved at all.

I’ve been running this moment of truth through my head periodically ever since, trying to take in the import.  Hanna mentioned thousands of family members now and in the future are, on some level, thanking me for what I’ve freed for my whole line.  On one hand I’m so happy to think the work I’ve done has helped others.  On the other I see-sawed a bit over how I feel about not having the husband and children I’d have loved to have.

At the age and stage when I’d have been having babies, I know I’d have turned out some more beings who were twisted up by both me and the ancestral baggage, so for a long time I’ve been kind of glad I never messed up some more kids.  And yet I’m occasionally a little sad nonetheless about not having any.

Although it’s been a lonely path in some ways, I’m pretty good at being alone; a friend once commented she didn’t think she knew anyone who could be as comfortable alone.  At this stage, I see this path of healing the ancestral lineages as a big part of the reason I’m here and I accept that being alone to do it was just part of the deal.

Right now I’m in the process of setting up the joint healing session to clear the last piece in my head.  I have no illusions about being issue-free at that point but the stuff going on in my head has been tough to take.  I’ve also been aware of it as the remaining piece that has most hung up my life from moving forward so for me this is an ending point.

At least the end of this particular piece of my long healing journey and pretty much–mostly– the end of the physical healing related to muscles.  Unlike spiritual growth, which I see as infinite, I do see muscles as finite and thus healing them as a process with an ending.  Not that muscles aren’t always impacted by daily life and constantly changing, but the tools I now regularly use to keep them healthy and aligned should help me maintain and/or restore balance as needed.

It didn’t take much time pondering to move from looking back to turning to the future, wondering what the new life unfolding will look like, optimistic it will be good and content to let it reveal itself in its own time…  And in the meantime there is the NOW when I am (1) happily feeling proud of what I’ve accomplished and the courage and tenacity it has taken to do it and (2) feeling the current measure of relief in what has opened and enjoying the increasing freedom in my head.

10 thoughts on “Walking the path alone…

  1. Congratulations on your progress! That’s fantastic. It’s so fascinating how for some, having no spouse or children has given you the freedom you needed in order to do the work you’ve done, while in my case, it’s because of my family that my awakening and subsequent healing has even happened at all. They were my spark. And yes, it’s been work to carve out time for my healing, but I see how my journey and that of my son especially, are so intertwined, as we both evolve together.

    • Yes, sometimes the family is just the thing to open the right paths. I’ve also seen people stop moving or even go backwards as soon as they got married and/or had children, so everybody has their own reaction and their own path toward opening or closing…

  2. Leigh, this is yet another one of those parallelisms and similarities in our journeys! 🙂 I can so relate to most of what you said. I, too, have become so comfortable being alone and living by myself. It’s hard for me to imagine sharing a living space with someone. If and when I do, though, I will need my own room/space/artist’s studio. I’ve become so much clearer about that. And that was also a result of the deep and intense clearing, releasing and healing that I’ve done over the years most especially in recent ones that, like you, it’s also hard for me to imagine how I’d have accomplished that much healing and clearing if I were married or had children. And yes, I’m also not necessarily saying being alone is a more effective healing path than having a family, but it has been the most effective set-up for me.

    I hadn’t quite connected my healing endeavors with the healing of my ancestral lineage — at least not as mindfully as you have. And that’s probably something that I can put more focus on moving forward. I’m quite sure, though, that even as I hadn’t consciously intended for my personal healing to also reverberate in my family and ancestral tree, ancestral and family healing most certainly has taken place — on its own, without my personal/conscious intervention.

    I am, as always, inspired by and in awe with your dedication Leigh, and as you said, courage and tenacity in pursuit of your healing. You sure have much to be proud of dear sister! Kudos!!! 😀 I join you and your ancestors in celebrating your progress!!! 😀

    Thank you Leigh for sharing your journey and inspiring us by it. Much, much Love to you & the Brightest of Blessings! ❤ 🙂 ❤

    As is most fitting with the Eclipse/Equinox/Easter Season, may we resurrect to the Truth & the Love that we are, and may our Light beam ever so brightly!!! 😀 ⭐ ❤ ⭐ 😀


    • Thanks so much
      I love that our paths seems to have such similar aspects — makes the journey feel less “alone”.
      It took me a long time to come to the ancestral stuff, but for me, it has sure proven to be key to unlocking the deep pieces that have refused to budge until recently.
      I love your thought of resurrecting to Truth and Love!

      • You’re most welcome Leigh. 🙂
        Yes, to feel less “alone” for which I’m most grateful! ❤
        I've gone back and forth with the ancestral healing largely because the medicine women that I've encountered in the Philippines just weren't the authentic ones. I sure would have been so much more misguided — and maybe even more wounded — had I pursued to seek their assistance. And I'm just realizing now as I'm writing this that perhaps I'm being called to do it on my own, eh?

  3. You have every reason to be proud of what you’ve accomplished Leigh. I too had no children and have long understood that 1. I would have been a terrible mother and 2. they would have hindered my own healing. And I also was alone until Don and I got together when I was in my late forties. And I preferred it that way. Now I feel blessed that I’ve been lucky enough to be paired with someone who is as committed to the process of inner and spiritual healing as I am. What a journey you’ve been on! And more to come of course.
    Alison xox

    • So many similarities on our paths! You and Don are my role models for the possibility of having that great relationship now that I’m moving into the next phase — someone as committed to the process and the journey as the two of you (maybe not as much of a traveler though 🙂 )

  4. Thanks for this post, Leigh. I’ve had the same feelings about being unmarried and childless. I know the ancestral clearing has a lot to do with it for me, too…it can be a lonely path but one that I understood, on a very deep level, was appropriate for me. I do see marriage in the future but I know this first 40yrs of life was for me to explore solo and like you, it’s my nature that I would probably get off track if things were otherwise. At times I’ve felt ‘selfish’…but what does that even mean?! I feel I’ve been of service on levels unseen. Thank you for this reminder. Much love, Aleya

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