In some ways I’ve been feeling at the end of my tether again these days, as another round of unwinding goes on. However, as I feel how deeply, complexly bound around my left eye’s optic nerve(s) these muscles are, I’m also amazed and grateful that this web of steely muscle fibers didn’t take out my sight before this started nor during all this yanking and tugging and unwinding.
Similarly, as the deepest stuff in my jaw lets go, I’m stunned that I could ever chew or talk before this. So much has opened and still there are a couple of pieces so tight…; hard to believe so much has released yet this much tightness remains. Before any unwinding occurred the complex array of knots in there was so tight and unmovable, I really don’t see how my mouth could open so I’m feeling gratitude for the miracle that it could.
At the same time I’m having these happy feelings, I’m also noting how few –yet extremely tight — pieces are left compared to having every muscle in my face wound up in steely intertwined knots. While I’m grateful for that, I’m struggling with impatience. This process has taken years, during which I’ve frequently had the delusion that it would be over soon –a necessary delusion, I think, to being able to hang in there.
Now that it’s down to so few pieces, I’m able, for the first time, to pick out some of the individual muscles. Previously things were so enmeshed and glued together I’d look at pictures of the muscles and feel clueless as to what was pulling on what. With all the progress you’d think I’d be elated Sometimes I am. But the last few days, I’m having that end-of-my-tether feeling.
All this whining is working my way to say even though Journey2Peace Monday has disappeared the last few weeks, I’m still planning to unleash a series of challenges … which I”ll get to … one of these days…
In the meantime I’m struggling for acceptance of what is and to find positive thoughts to hold. Time to breathe and meditate!