Healing and the Inner Child

fearfull and crying child before dental treatment

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sindy, over at bluebutterfliesandme has issued a thought-provoking challenge to write a post about your inner child between 8/6 and 8/16 and link to her.  To read more about the challenge, see here.

Around the same time in the early 90’s I worked with a lot of inner child stuff during the Fischer Hoffman work and with the level of “ku” in Hawaiian Huna*.  As the concepts within each of those frameworks were explained, I found them to share most of the same components:

  1. rule the body
  2. similar to ego
  3. develop constructs based on interpretations of early childhood experiences
  4. source of many or all hidden/unconscious beliefs (based on #3)
  5. often running the show instead of conscious mind (lono)

In the Fischer-Hoffman work we did exercises involving conversations with inner child and intellect.  In the Huna work we did exercises involving lono and ku.

Perhaps the most surprising revelation for me arose from connecting with my inner child deeply enough to “get” the world from her point of view.  To realize that for a tiny child, adults are huge and appear to hold the power of life and death over a child who depends upon them for everything.

Anger, rage, sarcasm, criticism, etc. can all be magnified through a child’s eyes in part because of the size differential; to be a child surrounded by adults is like a Lilliputian landing on an island of giants.  I began to understand why I unconsciously held so firmly to old, unneeded beliefs.  Because the consequences of all the anger raining down on me and around me seemed dire and life-threatening.

My inner child learned to hide and make herself small, trying to avoid setting off a temper tantrum.  Hoping not to be noticed so no one would realize I was there, apparently deserving of constant criticism, correction and angry outbursts.  Everything was dramatic to her.  During the pounding and yelling phase of Fischer-Hoffman I felt that that level of drama coming from me helped her to see I could hold my own.  That making it big helped to drive the huge impact of the past away.

It’s taken years of exploring to unravel her paranoid belief system, stopping often to remind her that though the threat was big then, I’m big and strong now and able to take care of her/us.  I think I could do half a dozen posts on the various practices and techniques I wound up using over the years to heal those wounds.  A partial list: As well as Fischer Hoffman process, certain forms of body work, meditation, ceremony, ancestral and past life exploration, hands on healing, affirmations and a fun technique I learned from Serge King using “ku stones” to change ku’s beliefs.

I don’t know that I’d say it’s finished, but generally when I check in with my inner child now she’s calm.  Most of the time, in fact, I feel one with her and as if it doesn’t require a separate consultation to know how she feels.

I’d make a guess that at least 90% of the U.S. population carries some amount of childhood wounds and operates out of the world view developed in infancy or as toddlers.  Some form of healing for the inner child, usually including exploring unconscious beliefs and releasing them, is the only way I know to step into life as an adult being ruled by the conscious mind.  A whole lot of folks live in adult bodies and operate as five-year-olds….

* My initial Huna teacher was Serge King who uses his own words for the three levels of being.  The usual kahuna word for ku is unihipili.



19 thoughts on “Healing and the Inner Child

  1. “My inner child learned to hide and make herself small, trying to avoid setting off a temper tantrum. Hoping not to be noticed so no one would realize I was there, apparently deserving of constant criticism, correction and angry outbursts.” – describes my situation exactly. I did years and years of inner child work. It feels pretty good now. I agree with every single word of your last paragraph!

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  5. “My inner child learned to hide and make herself small, trying to avoid setting off a temper tantrum. Hoping not to be noticed so no one would realize I was there, apparently deserving of constant criticism, correction and angry outbursts. Everything was dramatic to her.”

    This was pretty much my childhood experience as well. I love that there are so very many ways to help that child within us that is essentially driving the bus most of the time. For me, it’s been a few series of hypnotherapy sessions that have put my healing into warp speed. Being able to jump directly to moments of wounding and to shift perspective and enact healing, has been life changing for me.

    I recently discovered a healer (Mas Sajady) who works at the level of our spirit, and who is able to correct distortions that have been carried down generations, and more. At this level, traumas and other things on our lower (physical/ emotional) levels are healed. I’m excited to see where this takes me.

    Kudos on your healing.

    • Mas Sajady sounds like she does work similar to Oshunnike, with whom I had a major healing session in April. Glad to hear you’ve been clearing so much. Thanks for doing the work!

  6. Doing Jungian dream work brought up the memory of me at eight overhearing my father tell my mother he wanted a divorce and her telling him that if he left, he’d never see me again. He stayed and I spent the following ten years sitting at his feet listening to his philosophies, politics, and love of science in an unconscious attempt to keep him from leaving us. About that time my mother told me to wait up for him one night, she was sick and tired of his drinking. She was leaving it up to me to decide if we stayed or left. I saw this brilliant man literally crawl up the stairs and I lost it. I yelled my disgust at him while crying and hitting him with my fists. He actually managed to control his drinking after that and moved up in his field, but I abandoned the intellectual world he loved and changed my pursuits and values to my mothers conventional social ones for the next eight years, until he died. Through a short stint of therapy, I finally found the freedom to be myself which wasn’t a clone of either of them. In my fifties I did the Jungian dream work, recovered the lost memory of his saying he was going to leave us and recognized the pattern I had lived out. Then a beautiful charismatic little girl filled with light began to appear in my dreams, and I loved her fiercely. Still do.

    • I remember you writing some of that story before (in a comment I think) but not the part about the light-filled little girl — LOVE that! Thanks for adding. You should do a post about it for Sindy’s challenge.

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