Here in the eastern U.S. it’s Saturday, which is a good time to think about setting aside 10 minutes to pray or chant for peace on Sunday. See the CPS page for more info.
And this week’s Dungeon Prompt from Sreejit:
We all have our breaking points. For some, we know that we’ve reached our limit when we dissolve into tears, while others of us cry at a well sung song, or a work of art. Some of us rage against the world, while others turn within and leave everyone they know behind.
Tell us about the last time you just couldn’t take anymore. Share with us, both what was going on in your head, and the expression of it that the world saw outside of it? What was the trigger that set everything in motion? Is this a common occurrence or a once or twice in a lifetime event? Let us all be a part of your breaking point.
Most of my breaking points have had to do with health — and especially pain– over these long years of healing. there have been a few memorable moments when I just couldn’t take it.
A couple of prompts ago I wrote about the time a pinched nerve in my neck led me to a Fischer-Hoffman processing session and lots of release. The breaking point moment came earlier when the pain was so excruciating I sank to the floor and cried for God to either heal it or kill me. And I really didn’t care which. Soon after I had the lightbulb moment that led to the amazing processing session.
But for this prompt I thought about more recent breaking points. Ongoing, recurring breaking points in this long drawn-out healing. The first 20 years of sorting out the many problems with my muscles didn’t interfere with my life too badly except for the accompanying fatigue. Then 10 years ago, when the muscles in my head started unwinding on their own, the journey started taking on a life of its own.
At first it was just small periods of time and pretty mild. But the last several years it expanded in both (1) intensity of jerking and pulling as the muscles opened one tiny knot at a time and (2) in hours per day; sometimes as much as 12 or 14. It has particularly liked to go off in the night so I’ve often had weeks at a time when I slept one or two hours a night six or seven nights in a row with one night of sleep in before the next round. All that activity also caused lots of migraines.
I’ve lost count of the number of breaking points there’ve been over these few years. I’ve been saying for ages that I’ve been beyond the end of my rope for so long I don’t know how I’m still hanging in here. And then I laugh because this is a ride that has clearly been determined on some higher level. Affirmations and visualizations and bargains with my inner child and shaking my fist at Archangel Michael while demanding that he heal these effing muscles NOW have all proved useless. So I can be beyond the end of my rope and I still have to cope. So I do.
I know there’s some reason for this that, so far, is beyond my earthly ability to comprehend. I’ve “gotten” and written about the importance of understanding how complex our muscles are and how VERY interconnected and about patience and how the healing journey can be long and tedious. I’ve processed early traumas and dramas and accidents that contributed. I’ve sorted through related ancestral and past life issues. And yet this just keeps on. Some reason why I have to experience the opening of every single knot on every single fiber of every single muscle must be operating but I’m clueless.
There’s just one crazy tight intertwined set of a few muscles left. It seems so close I think every time it starts opening again that this could be the moment it ends. I suppose someday when this part of the journey is behind me it will all be clear. In the meantime, I reach the breaking point every now and then, smile at “what is”, and discover I’m strong enough to get past the breaking point…
Note: You can check out the Healing Journey tab for more info — if you too have issues with muscles there’s a lot of info there.