It’s time again to put aside at least 10 minutes to chant or pray or sing or hold ceremony for peace. Check out the Collective Prayer Sundays page for more info.
This week’s Dungeon Prompt challenges us to describe a time of being fierce. He asks that we tell the story vividly and mine is from so long ago I don’t remember enough to do that; not in the mood for waxing poetic in fiction… But I thought I’d see what I can do.
What would be considered fierce for some could be unthinkable for others. Many of us are so trapped in our ways that a simple uncharacteristic act of spontaneity is considered fearless by these standards. Whatever be your measuring stick, think back at some of the more fierce acts of your life. It doesn’t have to be a major turning event, but rather a time when you stepped up and did something uncharacteristic. Or maybe you already lead an intensely independent life. It could be a moment when you let your guard down and allowed someone else to take the lead.
Decide on one particular event. Now, don’t just tell us about it; let us live it. Lead us through the event like an adventure story. Make us feel your struggle, or your renewal, your pain or your exuberance. Let us live, through your words, the moment when you were fierce of heart.
In general I would say that fierceness as it’s meant here– in the sense of courage– is not a state of being that’s really me. In hindsight, I’d say this whole spiritual journey, though, has required courage. It just hasn’t felt that way to me because I’ve felt led to do it, pulled along with it most of the time. But there’s also been a “fierce” determination to do whatever I had to in order to heal on every level–perhaps driven by the physical problems more than anything.
Always shy and inward and a habitual emotion swallower, perhaps the toughest aspect of the journey initially was confronting issues. The idea of yelling or pounding pillows intimidated me. So I struggled a bit with the segment of Nine Gates led by the late Ellen Margron, wherein participants were vehemently encouraged to scream and yell and pound (no longer part of the curriculum).
The next year I moved out to the Bay area and as my life seemed to spiral downward, many body workers and people around me seemed to be in a conspiracy to get me to realize I needed to release a lot of locked up stuff. Many of my Nine Gates friends had gone on to do a session of the Fischer-Hoffman process with Ellen and I finally gave in and signed on.
Dragging my feet and inwardly quaking, I plunged into the world of exploring issues minutely and having sessions of yelling and pillow pounding. Tentative at first, I slowly grew to appreciate the great sense of release and freedom that followed. At the culminating point I enlisted a friend to help me with a session trying to release the underlying source of a pinched nerve in my neck that was more painful than anything I’ve ever felt.
That night something snapped open. It turned out there were many lifetimes of injuries in that spot and I went through at least half a dozen as if the release was doing me instead of me doing the releasing. She said my face and voice changed every time I moved to a new time and place. We were in her converted office/garage and as I screamed and cried, people came to the window to ask if they should call the police!
Several hours later, we wound up the session and kundalini flooded in–that years-long ride is a whole other story. So much changed that night. By then I felt at ease with release work and started sometimes helping Ellen facilitate release sessions. Now I teach release techniques sometimes and demonstrate yelling, chopping, pounding, etc. without inhibition. After the Fischer-Hoffman work ended I kept doing the process every time I ran into old unresolved issues. Then several varieties of body work tended to hit issues and I’d cry or yell on the table (it DOES take having a practitioner you really trust) without a thought.
It kind of amazes me how many people resist that kind of work; often to the point of refusing to do it at all. My whole life changed when I let go of so much past drama and trauma and a big piece of it was moving from the timid, self-conscious person who felt too afraid to dig that deep or reveal that much to the one who once stood in front of a whole inhibited class who ALL refused to do the techniques while I chopped and yelled and pounded with wild abandon.
Some people race into fires or jump out of airplanes and that kind of courage I don’t have. In fact never sky diving has a place on my non-existent bucket list. But I think it takes a different kind of fierceness to face the deeply buried beliefs, issues and traumas that most of us spend our lives trying to avoid. When it came to that, I was fierce!