The possibly final CranioSacral appointment arrived today. After 30 years of yoga practice, something like 12 varieties of healing and bodywork, the Fischer-Hoffman process, re-creating some movement work to suit my needs, and untold numbers of ceremonies, affirmations and meditations, I finally hit an appointment at the end of which the therapist, in this case Robyn, didn’t think we needed to set up another appointment for a while and that it will be mostly maintenance from now on.
There are a few muscles on the left side of my face that still haven’t let go but the impression was they’re just holding their habitual pattern. Unwinding is still going on. I’ve always found that CranioSacral sessions set off an unfolding process that goes on for up to a week after the appointment. There’s a chance I’ll decide I need to go back, but both of us felt my body has finally realigned and let go of the patterns I’ve worked on releasing for so many years.
I’m a little dazed at the moment. Partly after-effect of so much moving in my head. Partly disbelief that this part of the healing journey could finally be over. Partly can’t imagine how life looks without this healing process at the center of it.
And on some level I’m taking sweeping glances over the whole long journey and feeling pretty impressed that I stuck it out. That I kept trying another thing and another thing to figure out what was causing it all and how to heal it. That I even created my own movement work in order to break the patterns in the muscle.
I’ve always been a somewhat determined person, but over so many years of feeling lousy I lost a lot of that determination when it came to many aspects of my life. I transformed so much, let go of so much during those years I often felt like I’d lost me. Of course, the journey usually requires surrender and a willingness to let go of who you were. Still, it’s nice to realize I really stayed determined, just with its focus narrowed to healing. New me and old me integrating…