First, I want to start you off with a bit of magic. What I love about America’s Got Talent are the moments of transcendence when something so creative and amazing is brought to the stage that I’m left in wonder. This was one of those acts; if you need it to be short, skip it forward to where the dancing starts, at about 2:09 and stop at the end of the dancing:
I’ve been a bit MIA these days, just in a quiet and very sleepy place. Noticing some things about me and the resting. I’d say I’m better than the average American at kicking back; haven’t had much choice, so I’ve learned a lot–over a couple of decades of chronic fatigue and crazy muscle issues–about my body and its limits and its need for rest.
To a lot of people around here, I’m just lazy. They like a world of people being busy. Busy all the time. Regardless of health or feelings or pain (sleet and snow do seem to be excuses to stay home…), you should be working, doing, busy. I’ve noticed that what many of them are good at is appearing to be busy. Many are actually quite adept at not getting all that much done while appearing to be incessantly busy… The appearance of doing seems to be more important than what actually gets done.
Which is all by way of saying that even though I’m pretty good at shrugging people off, I realize on some level their attitude has influenced me. In spite of my apparent ability to drop out of the world for a couple of years I still have pushed myself to accomplish some things and get stuff done. Even though I know I’ve been crazy sleep-deprived and much of the rest of the time worn out from the constant muscle stuff with its accompanying aches and pains or suffering migraines from it, deep in there somewhere has been the thought that I should be doing more anyway.
A few days ago I finally went inward to summon my council of guides and ask for more information about this final stage of unwinding muscles and my constant fatigue. They compared the constant muscle unwinding and the incessant shifting and reorganizing of my body to a child’s growing body. Which needs more sleep than an adult’s. Their advice for this last phase of healing is to rest, rest, rest. Don’t ask me why but something finally clicked for me and, with it, I let go of feeling like I have to do stuff and since then I just keep sleeping. And when I do turn my attention to some work, rested me gets far more done in much less time.
It all has me thinking a lot about this crazy busy, hyperactive, ignore your body mentality that’s so prevalent in American culture (rest of the world, chime in if you see it in your region/country too). How many people are sleep deprived and using caffeine, nicotine and worse to get through the day. And driving themselves to be constantly in motion.
As I become more rested and serene and understand how much our bodies need time off and space for peace, I’m finding I want to hold a vision of everyone finding respite from the busy world and letting their bodies be restored. Don’t want to beat the drum about all that, although I’m here with lots of practices and advice for finding peace and rest if anyone wants it. Just going to hold a space of peace and rest and well-being and invite the world to join me there.
The other big notice as I observe the shifts, is a new sense of longing for my practices. Thirty years ago, when I began this search, I reveled in the practices. I looked forward every day to my meditation, I drank in every minute of yoga class and added new practices with enthusiasm. Somewhere along the way it became harder to get myself to meditate and keep up with practices, Except for yoga, which somehow has stayed a constant for me, practices became “shoulds” more than than beloved moments.
The longer the fatigue and health issues continued, the more I had to drag myself to practice. Sometimes I’d be stellarly regular and sometimes it was sporadic and sometimes they just about disappeared for a few weeks. Even though I felt better at the end of doing them, the energy to begin eluded me and the “should” aspect felt like it just weighed me down and made me want to do it less.
Suddenly since the healing there are more and more days when I suddenly put the computer aside or turn off the TV and go chant or meditate because the longing for that sweet place is too great to ignore. With those blocks from past life and ancestral issues about spiritual life and abilities lifted, I’m slowly being drawn back to doing practices for the love of them instead of the “should” of them and what a difference that makes!
Today’s potentially last craniosacral appointment wound up being cancelled, so I’m just hanging here letting the unfolding continue until my re-scheduled appointment next Tuesday. Might post some more before then. Must just take a nap…