As often happens, I lost the thread on this series while on vacation. The plan I had for part 2 when I posted the first one is a vague memory. I’m sure it will come back to me. In the meantime, another great round of unwinding began the last couple of days in Michigan and has continued this week and feels like it’s waving and saying, “write about me”. The last couple of days I’ve realized that all the activity behind my eyes has led to another increment or two of improvement in my vision.
Greater clarity of physical vision feels integral to my journey to greater clarity of overall vision. And it has me reflecting again on the wonderful wisdom of the late Dr. Harry Sirota–see previous post for more info on him. He talked about the blurry vision of near-sightedness in relation to introversion. The inability to see people clearly makes them less scary. When glasses bring everything into clear focus, it creates tension and, for me, it translated to withdrawing. If I couldn’t keep everyone blurry, I could pretend to be invisible so they couldn’t see me.
As my vision has slowly improved, first thanks to Dr. Harry’s vision therapy and more recently because of the unwinding, my ability to step out in the world has grown immensely.
I haven’t worn glasses (except to drive) for some years. My vision has changed so often I couldn’t afford to keep getting new glasses and I didn’t really want them since I knew from Dr. Harry’s work that they’d give me glasses too strong and it would take me backwards both in vision and tension. I’ve gotten used to viewing the world with a blur around the edges. It feels kind of fitting as I’ve wandered in the dark for some time, not sure any more if my purpose is what I thought it was nor what it might be instead.
I’ve grown at ease with that blurriness of vision and the uncertain view of what is ahead. I rest ever more comfortably in the conviction that when it is time I will know. And that this process of unwinding the muscles is somehow the key to clarity. For right now it’s all I can do to get through the unwinding.
The more my body loosens up and the more my sight improves, the more I note the winds of change. I feel these muscles have been holding so much in place within me and as it releases, something new is filling me. What “the new” is remains fuzzy right now and that’s OK.