I had my second experience of the John of God crystal bed today (see video below for more info). Although the energy again felt powerful, the main take away once more was a profound inner dialogue; has me thinking it’s produced by the energy.
The unwinding head bit has been particularly wild lately so I’m very sleep deprived and that generally seems to leave me feeling more down than usual about all of this. In the place of wondering, “What am I doing wrong?”, I noted first that tendency so many of us have to assume that fixes should be quick. And the corollary is that if something takes a long time it means you’re doing something wrong, or not enough of the right thing or doing the right thing wrong. I resent when other people take that tone about my long healing process, but I hadn’t quite taken in until today how much I do that to myself.
Anyway, somewhere on the verge of despair, I asked if John of God could hear me, contact me, tell me something. It took a while but once I’d moved into a deeper space I started seeing images of the various times that healers and teachers have told me I’m a much more powerful entity than I realize. It’s come up so many times you’d think my head would be the size of a house but on some level I don’t ever believe them or fear it would be wrong to believe them. Even when a friend took my picture to John of God, his only comment was, “Tell her she has very powerful guides.” His comment was part of the “slide show” that went by today. “But I don’t feel them,” I cried, “can’t you do something that lets me know they’re there?”
His answer was that I will feel them when I feel my own light and understand its power. Then he gave me an affirmation to repeat to myself as often as possible until I feel it, “My heart is open to the love of God.” To my core I could feel that is the key. And it struck me it’s probably a message a lot of people could use. I’m very interested in any stories you all have to tell about how that might apply to you or be useful to you.
I was very tiny when I gave up on God. In my head I believe in God but I occasionally note that on some deep level I still don’t feel She’s there for me. Other issues in time led me to make myself small and I tried not to be noticed. Much of this journey has been a slow movement from a chrysalis locked in the world’s most secure vault to spreading my wings. But the idea of being “big” or particularly powerful is still hard for me. That lack of faith and that need to be small are issues that seem to intertwine (back to THAT again!).
This affirmation feels like a good healing potion for both. MY HEART IS OPEN TO THE LOVE OF GOD!
Check out the Healing Journey page (tab is at top of page) for more about my journey to health.