Woo woo warning! The tale I’m about to relate will wander into what some will consider to be woo woo territory. If you don’t like woo woo I invite you to skip this one. And sorry, it’s longer than usual.
The day before leaving on the trip to my home town last week (see also this post), I had a second craniosacral appointment with Robyn. At the first appointment (which I wrote about here), Robyn left me with an instruction to meditate about the stuck tentorium and falx, to ask for answers and/or for her to be given whatever information she needed to help. I used a meditation that’s been a go-to for many years in which I went to my “council” and asked for their help in this.
They told me that there were three basic elements related to these two unmoving parts: 1) some remaining anger from early childhood, 2) the ancestors who passed down a pattern of holding the muscles in the face really tight; and 3) most of all, the ancestor who shut down my maternal line of seers (see previous post, The Shaman, the Witch and the Ancestors). I was given an affirmation to say, an EFT (tapping) phrase to use and told that Robyn would be given the information she needed. I carried out my assignments before the second appointment.
The session was powerful and I felt a lot move although I also knew it wasn’t finished when she stopped. She sat with me after to tell me what happened and what she saw and sensed. At the end she felt a powerful push away from my guides and got the information that the rest is for me to do. She said that she saw the ancestor who shut down the sight very clearly and that she’s holding tight and has no intention of letting go.
The ancestor summoned the most powerful energy she could amass and put it all into driving a spoke down through the chakras that particularly locked the 6th, 3d and 1st chakras not only for herself but for all future generations of her family. The info Robyn got was that I need to get the ancestor to let go of me but she has no intention of letting go as to herself.
Powerful, powerful stuff. It was a blessing that I headed out of town the next day so that I had time to ponder while being busy enough with other things that I didn’t have time to jump in impulsively and do some exercise just to “get it done.” In sitting with it it came to me clearly that the first part is to cast a circle and do whatever I do within that circle. I’ve also been working on a spell asking for all my other ancestors to assist me with their magic to gather magic powerful enough to undo her spell on me.
I’m still mulling about how to do the spell to use that magic. One of the things that disturbs me about what she did is the feeling that she violated a basic rule of magic by deciding on behalf of all who came after her that they couldn’t access their gift. So I hesitate to cast a spell that works on anyone but me. And yet I have a sense that there are many living members of the line who would be helped if I can break her spell as to everyone but herself. For me, that’s a tough one. Need to meditate on it.
It’s hard for me to describe what a relief it is to be given this answer. After I went through the Fisher Hoffman process in the early 90’s and continued to use the process for some years, my teacher, Ellen, told me that, with one other student, I had gone deeper with the process than any student she’d had in the 25 years she’d facilitated the process
It was great to hear but also clear that I had more to do. I kept searching and was surprised at how much there was still to release in my original craniosacral work and then in Bodypatterning. But for some years it’s been clear that something big held on to me and I’ve been beating myself up trying to see what issue am I avoiding? what do I not remember that I need to remember? It became hard to remember that my teacher thought I’d gone so deep…
The slowly dawning realization that I have been powerfully impacted by patterns from my ancestors has been helping and it has been fascinating to puzzle out how to address these ancestral patterns. But getting the info on this piece feels like the moment of vindication–I can feel how deeply her spell has been embedded in my being and the many ways in which it has held me tight. It explains so much about how I could work so hard, practice so faithfully and yet be so stuck. I’ve watched so many people do so much less and just open their lives up, it’s been hard sometimes not to feel like a failure.
If you’ve ever felt that your path has been going too slowly and that it’s not working or you’re not doing it right, I encourage you to explore your ancestors or possibly to explore past life issues (not the same thing). You may be held by something that started before you were born. Have faith. Know you are loved and it will all be well.
Note: Sindy over at bluebutterfliesandme has been working on a clearing challenge. I started off to participate but since I was out of town through most of it, I didn’t manage to get in on it. I intended to finish this post while away, cast the circle within a day or two of getting back and write a post about the clearing experience. Since I’ve missed out on taking part, I’m going to take my time a bit on creating my ceremony but I will definitely be posting about it.
- Cranio-Sacral, Completion, and Challenge (bluegrassnotes.wordpress.com)
- Ancestral DNA – Healing Yourself, Healing the Collective (wakingtimes.com)