I’ve been in another trying spell with the unwinding head business, losing sleep, lots of headaches, etc. I struggle a bit against melancholy in these spells and I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole aspect of the journey lately. I’ve been reporting on the Scribblings blog about my struggles with writing and I’m realizing the health issues are tangled up with the fears around my writing.
Lots of years of fatigue and pain have given me a very clear understanding of the skewed view our society has of what constitutes accomplishment. It’s been unbelievable to me how many people have had no qualms –sometimes barely knowing me — about making it clear that they assume I’m just lazy and that there’s nothing wrong. I thought I’d learned to ignore that. I really believe that the greatest contribution each of us can make to the world is to clear up our own issues and raise our vibrations; to become more open and compassionate.
But I’ve realized lately that some little voice still follows the societal view that you should work lots of hours–preferably at some job you don’t especially like –and fill the rest of your time with activities or else you’re a lazy bum. So it bothered me that I signed up for Camp NaNoWriMo and again missed the mark.
I’m stopping to take a hard look, though, and giving myself a lot more credit for the long journey to this point. The muscles that are currently yanking and pulling are the few muscles at the core of the issues and, not surprisingly, they’re the tightest. But they are unwinding and I’m finally able to anticipate that the last throes of all this will be soon. Many people have laughed when I’ve said this is exhausting but I’m here to tell you that having your body constantly rearranging itself (when enough stuff in my head unwinds, there are actually shifts down to my feet) takes a lot of energy.
Why I was handed health issues that have baffled all health practitioners and taken many years to sort out I don’t know. But I’ve stuck with it, exploring every emotional issue I encountered that contributed to this, trying multiple varieties of bodywork, creating my own exercise method and faithfully doing a variety of practices and food changes, all in order to find my way through this. Along the way I also encountered ancestral issues.
I really believe that everything I’ve cleared has cleared paths for others. I believe that the ancestral healing I’ve done has opened pathways for countless hundreds of unknown cousins of varying degrees. I believe in all this time off from the kind of journey considered “normal” in our society that I’ve contributed as much or more as people working at jobs they hate and running around doing stuff all the time.
And all of you, dear spiritual blogging community. I want you to stop for a minute. Breathe. Maybe look in a mirror. Look deep into your heart or deep into your eyes and know that your writing and meditating and seeking peace and searching your psyche, etc. are all great contributions to the world. Bless us all, every one. We’re contributors.
Note: There’s another world prayer at noon Aug. 4. Also, my latest challenge for Collective Prayer Sunday is to gather at least 3 other people for chanting/praying, etc. by midnight on Aug. 11 (not necessarily in the usual CPS time frame). A friend and I have invited a group to join us this Sunday (Aug. 4) from 3-5 p.m. EDT (actually chanting from 3:15-4:15) so join in at that time if you’d like to feel part of a group — see if you can feel the power of all of us.