Trying again… when attraction hits a wall

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As my life has begun turning a corner — on many fronts, but for this post, the career front–I’ve been contemplating the long string of failures along the way to this moment.  The simplistic versions of the law of attraction or you create your reality ideas imply that if you just hold a vision and put some positive thinking into it you’ll draw to yourself or create what you want.  My experience has been a little different and I’ve seen it go differently for lots of people.

When I first encountered the “create your own reality” idea in 1985 I was enthralled.  Something opened for me for a while there and I actually had a number of experiences that proved it to be true.  But then I hit a wall.  It took a long time for me to realize that the wall was composed of all my conflicting beliefs and admonitions so at first I was stunned when I started ventures with great enthusiasm and positivity and watched them fail.  For instance, I put together a stress management class that, at the time, was fairly leading edge in giving people lots of easy practices that they could do in a minute or a few to take the edge of f of stress.  A spiffy brochure was created, massive mailings were undertaken and I booked lots of free lunchtime demos, all of which received standing ovations.  But not ONE place offered a paying gig.

It went on that way for the next 20 years.  I found minor things like proofreading and copy editing and managing a church along the way with tiny paychecks and no relation to what I wanted to do but every step I took toward any vocation that seemed to suit me and my skills and qualifications led to a thudding nothingness — I mean lots of money expended and not a single dollar of income from a single client, ever.  My California friends watched this journey in disbelief that anyone could have undertakings that seemed like great choices  fail so utterly time after time after time.

Having realized that the obstacle had to be me, I spent most of the 90’s and a good bit of the 2000’s journeying inward, mapping and releasing beliefs.  I delved and delved and nothing ever seemed to make the shift.  I suffered many crises of faith yet somehow found a way to look at the good that came from each failure and to pick myself up and try again, all the while continuing to deconstruct the belief systems that stood in the way.  I’ve watched a number of people give up and decide that the law of attraction isn’t true or doesn’t work.  It can be a long, dark night of the soul when you reach the place where your unconscious reasserts its beliefs against the conscious choices you’re trying to make.  And that darkness is not helped by those who imply that if you’re not drawing the life you want you’re doing something wrong.

Around 2000 I could see that my ongoing health problems also stood in the way and the low energy associated with feeling so poorly also meant that my vibrational level didn’t come close to matching my vision for my life.  I gave up pursuing big career goals and focused on getting my health and energy back.  See earlier post for the energy practices I used as aids.  Eventually my spiritual journey also led me to my ancestors and the very slowly dawning understanding that I carry some very deeply held beliefs about poverty and failure that have been passed down for generations in many lines of my family.  In the convergent points where (1) my health has been getting better and (2) I’ve done a lot of working on healing the ancestral patterns, something turned around and things are going well.

I can also see that the path I’m moving along now combines lots of elements and things I learned from all those failed attempts–the failures and the searching and the deconstructing and the learning all wove themselves into a new pattern.  Everything added up to form a whole that I couldn’t have foreseen while I was stumbling and falling and picking myself up again.

I wanted to share this story because I think a lot of people hit those blocks where nothing seems to work and I want to encourage you to keep getting back up and trying again.  Find what you believe that stands in the way.  Have faith.  Sometimes the universe leads you along some by-ways that feel like detours or wrong way turns but turn out to have been just where you needed to go.

This is for Jenny Matlock’s AlphabeThursday, which is T this week.

19 thoughts on “Trying again… when attraction hits a wall

  1. The Law of Attraction is often over-simplified, and your post offers what I find to be a really important point. There are so many things that can block the manifestation that we have to clean up what is deep inside that causes the blocks. Excellent post! Thanks

  2. I so resonate with your words and your experience because my journey seems to be the same as yours! The failures, the searching etc. Since qualifying as a Quantum Holographic Echo Healer, I have realised why my unconscious mind is so incongruent with my conscious desires; I have also traced ‘poverty’ beliefs and attitudes imprinted within my Quantum field from ancestors, so have had to do much work in the quantum field to ‘reimprint’ success, prosperity and abundance in order to change the my vibration and the frequency I was giving out. Like you, I have had to deal with a number of health issues and had to work to build up my energy levels. I am still doing much ‘inner’ work. I have been so close to ‘giving up’ but your words came just at the right moment to keep me going. Thank you so much for the inspiration. Blessings my friend.

    • Oh thank you. That quantum work sounds really interesting. It does sound like we’ve been on a very similar journey. And I’m always happy when a post I write is at the right moment for someone else!

  3. I really like this post for several reasons. Many people choose to blame the outside world for their failures and often overlook any part they play in the grand scheme of things. When you go through life blaming others for every mistake you make you give up power. I really like the idea of delving into your beliefs, finding which ones are holding you back and releasing them. Also the idea of ancestral patterns really intrigues me, how did you go about deciphering your ancestral karma?

    • I’ve written a few posts about ancestors and I’m planning a couple more so I’m going to be brief here. It started with a shaman reading an issue in my maternal line which started me thinking about it (The Shaman, The Witch, and the Ancestors). It really started opening up when I did a lot of genealogy research — census records that list assets and property are particularly helpful at giving you a view of the poverty or lack thereof of your ancestors. Mine all came to US from various parts of Great Britain very poor (at least every branch I’ve traced). I also realized that I could sense some of the same holding patterns in the muscles of many of my relatives and could see it in the few pictures we have of some previous generations. Let me know if I can answer any more questions.

  4. Thanks for the encouragement, Leigh. Have you heard of Bashar’s echo? He claims that after we change our thoughts, the Universe shows us the same reality as before. This is an echo that tests if we have really changed our thoughts. Some give up. Bashar instructs us to keep thinking our new thoughts in the face of the echo to confirm the change.
    Sounds like things have shifted for you in all aspects of your life. I am really happy for you and can’t wait to hear about the miracles to come. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

    • I haven’t heard of Bashar’s echo — intriguing. Makes me wonder how huge the canyon must have been to create an echo that went on for 20 years… More miracles forthcoming!

  5. I read this post over the weekend and tried to comment, but was having connectivity issues–was way out in the desert. As I was driving home yesterday, I kept thinking about it, and how true it is. I do believe we can create so much of our reality by the way we think, but I do have mixed feelings about the law of attraction as it was described in The Secret. Most of us are not going to become billionaires no matter how much we focus or believe, and it can be misleading. But, as you say, we might not know how the universe is manifesting our desires. I was over at a friend’s house recently and noticed he had written out a check for $100,00,000 dollars and taped it on his wall. When I asked him out it was working out, he said he didn’t get any money, but he had recently fallen in love with a woman and said she was like hitting the lottery for him.

    • Great story! And yes, I love the Secret but I also saw it after many years of experience so it opened my eyes to some aspects of aligning myself with my vision that I hadn’t “gotten” before but I also knew it was way too simplistic. Sadly, I think that leads lots of people to disappointment…

  6. Wonderful post which offers so much encouragement, especially for someone like me who is new to the journey.
    Thanks for the inspiration.

  7. That old saying about health feels so true sometimes.

    On the ‘bad’ days it seems like everything is difficult and dreams are impossible.

    I keep telling my husband, it’s finding the way to keep focused on the light instead of the dark when things are grim that is the true trick.

    I’m going to think through your words today.

    They were powerful and thoughtful.

    Thank you for sharing them.


    • Yes, where you put your focus is everything — although I found that underlying beliefs tended to drag my focus into the dark even when I tried to keep it in the light. Thanks so much for kind comments. Those A+’s always feel great!

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