Keeping on after patience goes…

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For the last couple of months I’ve been thinking—and sometimes telling others—that I’m beyond patience with this unwinding head thing. When my jaw failed to open out all the way apparently every muscle around my face that connects to either the upper or lower palate got cemented in; at least every time some part of the muscles tries to unwind it feels like it’s been yanked by something encased in cement. And then I have to laugh to myself because of course this, like all things, has its own process and its own time and it is going to do its thing for however long some higher power has determined regardless of whether I do or don’t have patience.

It’s a good lesson in both mindfulness and detachment. The yanks and pulls tug me into painful awareness of the moment and then I struggle each time through the choice of whether to be grateful that the pain means healing or to feel put upon that this keeps happening to me or to shrug and realize that this is just what is and I can choose how to feel about it or whether I need to feel anything at all.

I’m getting more quiet spells when the movement and burning pain calm down for days (or most recently a couple of weeks!) and I sleep and feel good and get a glimmer of what it feels like to have healthy muscles and just live. It used to be that I couldn’t visualize a healthy, pain-free me because I had no memory of what that felt like. Now I have vivid memories of these lovely days I’ve had and I can nudge patience along by reminding myself that all of this leads to feeling that good being normal.

But today, right this minute, to be honest… AACCKK!!! Somebody up there make it stop please, I’m out of patience! And I’m so grateful that the lump of bone in my upper palate is even smaller.

This post if for Jenny Matlock’s AlphabeThursday for which the letter this week is “K”.

 

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21 thoughts on “Keeping on after patience goes…

  1. Yes everything happens in its own time, but trusting this process can be very frustrating! Your feelings – whether positive or negative – are all valid because it’s all part of your experience.
    Blessings to you on your healing journey.

    • I kind of think we all have varying degrees of patience for different things. Sometimes I think my long patience over these issues has left me shorter of patience for other things…

    • I appreciate the thought but I stay away from prescription stuff. And actually, though I keep whining, the days of mind blowing pain are long over. Somehow the better it’s gotten the more I whine about experiencing any… Ibuprofen does it for me on the migraines that all this causes. And I really think the end of the process is near. Thanks for the suggestion!

    • Oh, sorry to hear that. I’ve actually been beyond the horrible pain for some years now but this thing with the muscles in my face unwinding gets to me even though the pain isn’t that bad. I agree, though, at whatever level, chronic pain is wearing.

  2. I hope you can be pain free! It is a difficult process and the healing will be welcoming! Cathy in the comics always said “Aacckk!” it is a favorite of mine especially where I work! We are busy, slammed, unable to get out from the mountains and mountains of paperwork! SO I work hard, pray harder and hope one day it will be paper free!
    I hope you have a good week and many days of being pain free,

  3. Chronic health issues are just so darned…ummm…chronic.

    I’m hoping pain free days are on their way to you.

    And that the sunshine of others prayers heals your spirit as well.

    Hugs and blessings.

    And an A+ for linking.

    A+

    • My days are already so much better than they used to be I shouldn’t be so whiny but it seems the more pain goes away the bigger a baby I am about whatever is left… Thanks so much for the kind thoughts–the healing prayers of others have definitely helped me through.

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