The good news lately has been that a lot more unwinding in my head has set off a lot of muscles opening down my body.* The bad news is that lots of muscles deep in my back and legs that used to be numb are opening and that means pain. The last few days it has hurt to breathe sometimes and even small movements are painful. I’ve had this experience of muscles hurting when they first open before so I know what it feels like, I just haven’t had quite so much opening at once – makes me kind of nostalgic for the numbness. However, I know that when the muscles (and especially the nerves that have been smashed in the knots) adjust to being out in the world, I’m going to have more freedom and relaxation and comfort than I’ve felt in memory.
I’ve been thinking about this and how well it mirrors the way change often feels. There’s that happy piece that’s often there because you’ve actually been trying to change something (or the grief that accompanies the kind of change you don’t want). But change also means you’re saying good bye to the way things were and that’s not always easy. It also means you’re facing the world with a new set of circumstances and, while that may prove to be great in the long term, most of us are a little uneasy when life is really different from the way we’ve known it. So change often means there’s a period of pain even though the outcome may be that life is better or at least that you can adjust to a new equilibrium.
Even though I’m occasionally thinking numbness wasn’t so bad I keep reminding myself how pleased I will be when these muscles have finished healing. How the pain will lead to better days. That the numbness represented the emotions I stuffed and the issues I didn’t feel. This pain tells me that all I’ve done to let go of the past is working and when the pain passes my body will finally be free. What will I do with all the hours I’ve devoted to getting my body back? For sure I see some happy dancing…
*Several practitioners have explained that a tilted sphenoid can lead to lines of twisted muscles extending all the way down to your feet.
- The Cycle of Pain (cppcdocs.wordpress.com)