Whiny me

For the last five days my head has been going through it’s unwinding thing almost incessantly. And giving me headaches. Interfering with sleep. I’m trying to hold that calm space where all of that is illusion but really I’m just whiny. And cranky. The universe keeps offering me this challenge to stay grateful for the healing that all of this represents and I keep stumbling on the challenge when the going gets tough.

I mean, when I stop whining every now and then, I remember to think about gratitude. But at the next twitch I’m shaking my fist at the sky and muttering, “heal it or kill me now, don’t care which…”

This seems so minor compared to the suffering of someone like Mattie Stepanek that I can manage to feel ashamed that I can’t seem to transcend this when he handled his illness with such grace. But in the end I have to accept that at the moment this is me and my reaction and it doesn’t help at all to beat myself up about my reaction to long drawn-out problems with health.

I can feel by the process that the deepest core of what’s been twisted in my head is opening. When the unwinding is quiet for a bit I’m actually kind of excited about the potential for learning how it feels to have a head in which all muscles are relaxed and healthy. Kreig, the creator of Bodypatterning I’m always mentioning, chatted with me the other day about how ancestral holding patterns can have a big effect. I could instantly see how patterns of tightening have come down through both sides of my family. So when my face calms down a bit I’ll be exploring that ancestral piece. Right now I’m too busy whining.

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