Was that me in the mirror?

A few weeks ago I got an e-mail with one of those questionnaires that asks you to name friends and songs and colors and each one gets put in a numbered slot and you scroll down to a numbered list that tells you something about the place the person, song, etc. holds in your life. I get a kick out of those so I followed all the instructions, never imagining that I would have an epiphany from playing this little game.

One piece asked you to write down the names of two men you know. For some reason the two who popped into my head were old friends of mine. One, whom I’ll call X (I’m pretty sure I’ve never known an Xavier or a Xerxes so should be safely anonymous) was an old college friend (who’s of course not actually OLD, no no no!) who’s passed in and out of my life in several phases.

I was always crazy about him and thought he was very attractive but even though I felt sometimes that I SHOULD be interested in romance, I just wasn’t. And I think our friendship has always been kind of easy because the lack of chemistry goes both ways. X is one of very few people I’ve ever known who’s just naturally centered. He moves through the world with no apparent doubts about himself –particularly in the professional realm—and whatever direction he decides to apply his considerable talents to leads to success. I loved to be in his presence because he had so much about him that I wanted to be.

By the second phase of our friendship I was taking the first steps of my spiritual journey and I soon thought of X as a role model. I wanted to find that confidence, that ability to define my bliss and move forward with it. When I moved to San Francisco we lost touch but as I studied and practiced and went through the Fischer-Hoffman work, I’d remember X every now and then and realize he still held the space of role model for me.

So when I wrote down X’s name and the position it turned out to be in was “he’s a mirror for you”, I just thought it was nice at first. But it stuck with me and I kept turning it around in my head. “Well, since he’s my role model he must reflect something about the part of me that aspires to some of the same characteristics.” I guess it says a lot about how deeply buried some issues are and/or how cloudy my vision is that it took me a couple of weeks to get to “Whoa. What if I always was that? What if he was always a mirror of who I am and I just couldn’t see it?”

Now the actual following of my bliss is relatively recent and the success so far not so apparent, but coming together, so I get that it’s not an exact reflection. But I can finally see that all along I had X’s qualities lurking somewhere in me and my self doubt loomed so large that I couldn’t see around it to the real me. Work in progress on that.

Who are the mirrors around you? Can you see yourself in the people you most admire?  Can you see your friend’s success as reflecting something that’s growing in you?

This is my post for Jenny Matlock’s AlphabeThursday, which is “W” — a slim link in the title, I know, but this was what I wanted to write…


23 thoughts on “Was that me in the mirror?

  1. I’ve been lucky enough to meet many mirrors in my life tho occasionally distorted ones and those were some whom i learned the most from.
    I love reading your writing. It tends to bring me to a nice centred place.

    • Oh me too. And I’ve found sometimes I have to dig for the reflection – like a mean, nasty roommate who I finally realized reflected how I talked to myself. Thanks so much for the praise. I love looking at your pics.

  2. Hi!

    Visiting from Mrs Matlock’s, thanks for stopping by and look forward to *seeing* you again soon!

    Such an interesting post – so apt.

    Have a good weekend.

  3. You should have called him O like Oscar to have mor O’s in your post, lol ! No, I dont know anybody who could be my mirror. Apparently I am unique (call me Modesty)

    • Oh I think you’re thinking ABC Wednesday, which was O this week–it was my post before this. This one was AlphabeThursday and it was W. Unfortunately I know too many Wills and Bills and Williams to avoid having someone decide it was one of them… (The only other clue I’ll offer is it was neither of these letters either…)

  4. I enjoyed your W post today! Sometimes I don’t want to see myself in other people when it’s negative, but there it is, right in front of my face! Have a great weekend, Nan
    PS, I saw your comment on another blog about the Lowcountry, that’s where I live and if you ever get the chance, it is an amazing place to visit and live!

    • It’s likely that I’m going to wind up teaching some weekends in Charleston so the Lowcountry is starting to seem probable. I look forward to seeing it! Thanks for stopping by.

  5. Well, now. Here’s a new concept: a mirror for oneself that isn’t about negative qualities that one would like to change. I may start thinking about who might be a mirror for those parts of myself I actually like and want to display and encouarage. Thanks for the change in paradigms. I think this will be very useful. Since I am drawn to you so much, Leigh, I am going to hope that you mirror something about me I would like to admit to. 🙂

    • I guess really if everyone you see is in some sense a mirror reflecting back something of you then every part of the spectrum you see is you… I think you make a lovely mirror. Want to see more of you before you all go off to remote Iowa.

  6. I’m not sure that I have a mirror, but I have come to accept myself for who I am and know myself to be adopted as a child of God.

  7. It’s funny – when I look at myself in a physical mirror these days I barely recognize it as me. I have a lot of work to do to get back to where I want to be, but spiritually I think I’m actually in a better place. I have learned a lot about faith, endurance, and hope that I could not have learned without losing some of the physical trappings. I lost one of my best spiritual mirrors last Summer. I still miss her. Every day I think of her and hope I am growing into that reflection.

    • Well,yes that’s another concept of mirrors and always good to model yourself after admirable people. Thanks for stopping by. Your music project looks fun.

  8. That was a cool and very insightful post. It was a perfect “W”…for wondering. Thanks for stopping by. Still hanging out in Patagonia for a bit longer, so feel free to stop back by…I’m trying to post when I can. For sure, I’ll be posting a lot more photos when I’m back in the states! Have a great week.

  9. What a wonderfully thought provoking post. Your writing always does that to me.

    I rarely notice mirrors…and I rarely notice what people look like. It’s such a strange way to exist in the world…I tend to see people for their hearts…and no matter how lovely they might be on the exterior of that heart is dark I turn away.

    Thanks for sharing this.

    I really enjoyed visiting you again this week.


    • Thanks so much. I think noticing who people are instead of their looks is great. BTW I always read and enjoy your posts but I’m spoiled by WordPress’s “like” button — I like to click that more than I like to comment… Every time I read your posts I look for the “like” and then remember your blog host doesn’t have that button.

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