The horrors of change…

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Another re-blog from the past:

Sometimes I think the greatest source of resistance I have to becoming enlightened is the secret fear that I’ll have to live a life to which I don’t aspire.  Some sort of ascetic life possibly involving no shoes and/or a begging bowl.  And a lot of religious doctrine tells me that upon enlightenment I’ll be happy to have nothing and indeed that I won’t achieve it unless I give up material pursuits first.

I don’t really have a desire to hoard billions or wear Versace but I like houses and cars and computers and WEARING SHOES and on some level I’m uneasy as to what enlightenment means relative to life as I’ve known it.  Of course life as I’ve known it seemed fairly sucky when I started this journey, hence the journey.  Quite a puzzle…

Twenty-five years into the journey I’ve experienced a lot and changed a lot and, from the perspective of now, it’s been pretty great.  But if you’d told me when I started all that I would face and some of the changes I would make, I’m not sure that I’d have kept going.  For me it’s one of the hardest parts of a transformational journey:  not knowing what the transformed life will look like.  And it isn’t as hard on the surface as it is hard in those deep dark places that catch me unaware and lead me into self-sabotage and resistance.


8 thoughts on “The horrors of change…

    • Well, the start for me was really only hard in the sense that I was in pain and didn’t recognize it enough to think I should do something. For me the hard parts came years later… When I made the decision to start I felt like I could finally start breathing.

  1. I started out on my journey thinking i wanted a life as a singer- a completely inherited desire, although I love to sing. I started to learn about how we create our own reality in order to manifest that life. Along the way to this ambition, i had to let go of so many things that were usdeless and hurting me- all the time persuing a dream that i eventually let go -with great pain. Hence I relate to your comment about where you will end up! However my experience is that I am now beginning a life that is so much more me, a perfect fit. My Higher Self was guiding me to the ultimate of what i would choose if I had had the sense to know myself at the beginning.
    I dont think we are asked to do anything that would not be totally satisfying and pleasurable and exactly what we would choose. If the world is an illusion then have your dream!

    • Yes, I’ve had a similar path of starting out on the journey with certain aims and finding myself somewhere else… There’s a long ago post about it –might reblog one of these days. Thanks for sharing your story.

  2. I don’t believe there’s any contradiction between life as you know it and enlightenment. Just bring all your humanity to bear on the path you follow. Faith is usually the problem although we tend not to realize it… I enjoyed this post.

    • Yes, I think that’s so. I mainly aim to be my best or highest self without so much concern for “enlightenment” per se. And yes, I’ve know for a while that lack of complete faith is part of my past. Very insightful comments.

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