A blog post this morning* led me to think about change; how we long for it, how we dread it. Every time you decide to try something, to launch a new venture, to transform some aspect of your life you can’t really know what it’s going to be like on the other side. The possibilities for what will come may be exciting but realistically you can’t know what anything is like until you’ve tried it, actually experienced it.
Have you ever picked something out at a bakery that looked delectable and then wanted to spit out the first bite? Or started taking lessons to learn something you love and found out you have no talent for it? For me the big one was going to law school and hating it and then liking the practice of law even less. Not my first choice anyway but my vision of championing the environment never encompassed the brutally competitive atmosphere or the mind numbing boredom of the technical documents that are the core of environmental cases.
Embarking on a spiritual journey pretty much means you want to change your life. The thing is most of us know even less about what will result from such a journey than we do about how a pastry might taste or whether we’ll actually like the career we’ve chosen. My life has been transformed many times since I began but not really in the ways I anticipated. From kundalini to facing buried memories I’ve confronted changes that were not among my goals. From job opportunities that revealed hidden talents to inventing a new style of movement classes, I find myself on unforeseen side paths, revising my goals.
While I can see that all of this is creating a new life tapestry much richer than I could imagine at the outset, I don’t know if I’d have been willing to undertake the journey if I’d been shown the way it would go. Increasingly I’ve learned to surrender expectations and to embrace change, even the not knowing. I’m learning faith that my higher self guides me where I need to go and that it will be good. The best thing about change is that not knowing the outcomes means you get to try – and that can give you gifts beyond your dreams.