The best laid plans

Back in those early days of following a more New Age path, my focus was primarily on creating the reality I wanted for my life.  I received a vision about me returning to writing and producing a book and the rest I added based on my desire.  Some details changed, but by and large for quite a few years the vision remained the same:  me writing a book and selling it, a soulmate husband and then children, RESTORED HEALTH, a successful and abundant and happy life….  I kept up the vision for years, determined to control exactly how my life was going to look.

The inner me had some other ideas and I’ve spent years trying to follow the complex array of beliefs that contradicted my vision and to release the stranglehold of the past.  For starters, I couldn’t even have imagined back then that the problems with my health were so complicated and immense that more than 20 years later I’m still completing the process of getting healthy.  As you might imagine, in that 20 years a  lot of twists and turns have taken me along unexpected paths.

I did complete a novel and get it published but it didn’t go anywhere and after a while I realized that I was way too ill to go off on a book promotion tour anyway.  Not long after that I began to question whether the vision I’d been clinging to was even appropriate any more. Forays into Buddhism also left me questioning whether I should even be creating a vision — it certainly led to awareness that  I was trying to control my destiny with the nails of both hands dug in and my fingers rigid with holding on.

I’ve been slowing conceding more control to the universe and trying to remain open to see what comes.  When I check in I still get the message that writing is part of my path so there’s now a second book, this time on the spiritual journey, and I’m shopping it around to agents.  But I’m also watching the unfolding of previously unforeseen paths and now I’m looking at the future as an open question.  I still have some general visions about what I want to see but I’m also aware that the many threads now unfurling have infinite possibile patterns and I’m content to let them form their own design as I move along.

There are lots of parts to this current reflection on visions and plans so more posts to follow…

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