I had an extraordinary body work appointment today, one of those experiences where the physical manifestation of an issue opens a space that reveals the emotional and spiritual connections and I can see how completely I have written the story of my issues on my body. Through lots of insightful commentary from Hanna, the practitioner, I could see that I’m back at a couple of the core issues that have informed all the others.
I kind of gave up on God very early in my life and ever since then issues of not feeling worthy of Divine grace and of doubting that there is any have vied for top spot in my dwindling panoply of neuroses. Issues of accepting my own Divine nature were up today — again — and I found it both disappointing to be back to that one and also something of a relief to realize I didn’t have to mine for new causes but can continue exploring familiar territory.
Since most religious institutions in our culture have encouraged us to believe that the Divine is outside of us and something we can barely hope to ever touch in our lifetimes, I think issues about accepting our own God- or Buddha-natures are frequent. They can manifest in many ways, often connected to self-esteem issues; I’ve struggled to think well enough of myself to accept that I am Divine even while I believe absolutely that we are all part of the All That Is that many call God.
On days like this I see both the many levels of transformation that have already occurred and a humbling view of the road still ahead. I think this phase of the journey is going to be fun!